It’s 4 p.m., and I’m completely drained. Last night was a marathon of sleeplessness as I tended to my feverish, coughing 3-year-old. On the stove, I have multiple dishes cooking, and I’m trying to avoid overcooking the broccoli again—something my older son is vehemently against. Meanwhile, my little one has taken what seems like an eternity on the toilet, and soon I’ll have to devote a significant amount of time to diaper duty, all while keeping an eye on dinner.
As I juggle everything, my phone buzzes with work emails and my mom texts me about weekend plans. Suddenly, my older son approaches me, excitedly sharing the latest details about a video game he’s obsessed with. Just then, my younger son starts coughing furiously from the bathroom, leading me to question if it’s just a cold or something more serious. Should I call the doctor?
My breath hitches, and my heart races. Anxiety, my familiar companion, has decided to drop in.
For those of us who struggle with anxiety, moments like this can send us spiraling. While everyone experiences stress, anxious individuals often feel it more acutely. Our emotions are like open wounds, and when life gets chaotic—like it does for me—pressure builds until we crack.
As parents, we often have no choice but to press through. The reality is that parenting is inherently stressful. The constant demands of caring for and nurturing our children can be overwhelming, filled with unexpected challenges and fears.
Anxiety has a way of creeping in during the most critical moments of parenting, leaving us little room to breathe, meditate, or seek help. Thankfully, I don’t experience full-blown anxiety attacks around my kids frequently. However, as a mother with an anxiety disorder, I have had my share of tough moments. I do my utmost to shield my children from my struggles, but when I reach my limit, I’ve been known to sit on the couch and say, “I need a moment,” as I attempt to regain my composure.
Even during calmer times, my thoughts often drift elsewhere, consumed by worries or plans that seem urgent. I can’t help but wonder if my children notice my preoccupation and how it affects them.
When I’m in the kitchen at 4 p.m.—with everything feeling chaotic—does my older son sense that I’m not really tuned in to his excitement about video games? Does he feel like “Mommy is too busy to pay attention”? Or does he perceive that I’m mentally elsewhere, my fight-or-flight response activated, and I’m overwhelmed?
I sometimes catch glimpses of anxiety in my kids, and it makes me question whether they’re just exhibiting normal childhood worries or if they’ve inherited my anxious tendencies. I find myself obsessing over how to shield them from anxiety and whether I can actually make a difference.
I frequently apologize to my children for my anxious nature and the impact it may have on their lives. Sometimes I even voice those apologies aloud. “I’m sorry I can’t focus on your video game story right now,” I tell my older son. “I’m feeling overwhelmed, like my brain has too many tabs open.” When he nods, seemingly amused by my analogy, I wonder if he truly understands my apology. Will he remember me as a parent who was often absent, lost in my thoughts?
Anxious parents can be overly critical of themselves, which is part of the struggle. Every parent desires to create a safe and calm environment for their children. I may not have all the answers, but I’m doing my best to practice self-care, seek therapy, and exercise—methods that help me manage my anxiety.
Yet, I can’t shake the guilt for the moments when my anxiety spills over onto my kids. I often wish things were different and grieve for that ideal. I’m learning to accept that this is part of who I am, and I hope that my concern for them is a sign of my dedication as a parent. I just wish for them to understand, and if they don’t, I hope they can forgive me for my shortcomings.
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In summary, as an anxious mother, I constantly worry about how my feelings affect my children. I strive to manage my anxiety while being the best parent I can be. I hope they will understand my struggles and forgive me for any shortcomings.