Have you ever found yourself wondering about the sexual lives of others, especially your married friends? If so, you’re certainly not alone. This curiosity is common, even if we don’t openly discuss it. Just because you find yourself comparing your intimate life to that of your neighbors, it doesn’t mean you’re considering throwing a swinging party (unless that’s what you’re into, and no judgment here). More likely, you’re contemplating whether they, too, feel as exhausted as you do. If so, where do they find the energy to keep the passion alive? Please send some of that libido potion my way—this mama is running on empty!
Sexual intimacy plays a crucial role in marriage and partnerships. When frequency declines, it’s natural to start questioning the health of the relationship. Surprisingly, a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior highlighted that Americans are engaging in sexual activity less frequently than previous generations.
Between 1989 and 2014, research indicated that sexual activity has waned across the board, regardless of gender, race, or religion, with married couples experiencing the most significant decline. In 1990, the average married couple had sex approximately 73 times a year; by 2014, that number had plummeted to just 55 times annually. While this might sound alarming, it’s essential to remember that life can be demanding. Fortunately, averaging about once a week still reflects a decent effort amid our hectic lives.
The rise of dual-income households has contributed to this trend, as both partners juggle work commitments and family responsibilities more than ever before. If you occasionally prefer to binge-watch your favorite shows instead of engaging in intimate activities, know that you’re not alone. Sometimes, cuddling on the couch and sharing snacks while watching an emotional series can be great for setting the mood for later.
It’s perfectly normal to experience ebbs and flows in sexual desire. Life can be overwhelming, and there are nights when reconnecting with your partner feels like the last thing you want to do. Many couples find themselves promising to prioritize intimacy later in the week or month, whenever the chaos subsides.
Alternatively, a lower libido could serve as an opportunity to say no to other commitments that drain your energy. Use it as an excuse to skip baking for the school fundraiser or to decline hosting elaborate gatherings. Ultimately, what matters is that you and your partner feel satisfied with your level of intimacy.
There’s no need to feel pressured into sex when the mood isn’t right. However, perhaps we should all take a moment to unplug from our devices, boost our energy levels, and rekindle that spark. After all, saying “no” to the busyness of life and “yes” to more intimacy sounds appealing. “Sorry, Sarah, I can’t host that lipstick party because tonight is reserved for some quality time with my amazing husband!” I might just give that a try. Soon. But not tonight—too tired!
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In summary, while many Americans are having less sex than earlier generations, this decline is often the result of busy lives rather than relationship issues. Couples should focus on their own happiness and find ways to prioritize intimacy amidst the chaos of daily life.