As I observed my son, the glimmer in his eyes and the way he bit his lip hinted that he was suppressing a grin. He was proud of himself, nodding at the appropriate moments and displaying the politeness I had instilled in him.
Later, he excitedly shared, “I love being a good student, especially during parent-teacher conferences when I receive so many compliments.” This wasn’t mere boasting; he genuinely embraced the praise that surrounded him, and I felt a sense of pride for raising a child who is considered “a joy to have in the classroom.” He eagerly collected his gold stars, reveling in the validation.
Yet, a troubling thought crossed my mind: “Am I fostering a praise addict?” It’s a realization that hits home, as I find myself in the same boat.
Earlier that day, I had been reflecting on my relationship with praise while reading Tara Mohr’s book, Playing Big. I realized how much my dependence on positive feedback could be hindering my personal growth. My son’s enthusiasm for compliments struck a nerve that had already been tender from my own introspection.
I’ve always been a praise seeker. As a child, I mimicked adulthood, striving to appear responsible and self-sufficient while relying on validation to affirm my worth. In school, I consistently earned high marks and in my career, I craved acknowledgment and approval. It’s not just that I enjoy praise; I desperately need it. A simple, “Great job!” from a supervisor or a friend fuels my motivation, while I find myself frequently checking for likes and retweets on social media.
In a recent yoga class, while trying to perfect my pose, my thoughts revolved around whether the instructor noticed my efforts. When he finally acknowledged my hard work with a “Good job,” I felt validated once again.
But this praise-seeking behavior isn’t without its pitfalls. Mohr highlights that relying on external validation can limit our true potential. To foster genuine change, we must learn to influence authority figures rather than simply seeking to please them.
The realization of my praise addiction leaves me pondering how to navigate this as a parent. I aim to cultivate self-respect in my children, encouraging them to be polite and considerate. However, I worry about molding them into praise-chasing automatons. I don’t want them to grow up in search of external validation, only to find themselves needing a sort of rehabilitation in the future.
How do we, as Mohr suggests, “unhook from praise” so our children aren’t left craving approval as they mature? In a schooling system that rewards good behavior and performance, what steps can we take to ensure we’re not raising approval addicts?
When my son expressed his fondness for compliments, I was at a loss for words. I recognized this as a pivotal parenting moment, but I hesitated to respond. In hindsight, here’s what I wish I had conveyed:
“My dear child, you are extraordinary for countless reasons. Your kindness, empathy, and humor bring joy to those around you. Remember, you are not merely a collection of compliments. I want you to strive for your best, but even more importantly, I want you to embrace who you truly are, even during tough times.”
He would probably have replied with a simple, “Can I have dessert?” Regardless of whether he fully grasped it, my journey towards overcoming my own praise dependency must continue, with the hope that it will eventually yield positive results. With awareness, I believe we can strike a balance between celebrating achievements and fostering self-worth independent of external validation.
Though I still long for affirmation of my parenting efforts, I’m learning to seek inner fulfillment rather than external praise.
In summary, we need to be mindful of the praise culture we create for our children. Finding that balance between encouragement and fostering self-worth is crucial. For more insights on home insemination and family planning, check out this informative resource on IVF or explore intracervical insemination kits for additional guidance. If you’re interested in understanding more about home insemination, you can read about it in our post on the artificial insemination kit.