I find myself in a constant state of questioning: Am I a single mom? Yes, no, maybe—sometimes. It’s perplexing.
When my marriage ended, I was labeled a single mother by someone, and I felt taken aback. Me? A single mom? No way! I live in a comfortable apartment in a nice neighborhood. My kids are receiving quality education, and we’re not struggling to make ends meet. Their father, my ex-husband, shares custody, and while there are days I wish he’d vanish, he is definitely present.
These days, it seems there’s a spectrum of single motherhood. Every divorced woman I know faces her own challenges, and while it’s tough to quantify emotional struggles, we can draw comparisons. I recognize that my experience may not be as difficult as others, and I won’t pretend otherwise.
True single mothers are those who hustle to keep food on the table, often living in near poverty, juggling bills while their children become what used to be termed latchkey kids. These resilient women bounce between jobs to make ends meet. Celebrities and athletes commend these single mothers for their grit in overcoming adversity and providing for their children. They truly deserve the accolades.
Take my friend, Lisa, for instance. Her ex moved across the country, leaving her as the sole parent for the majority of the year. She works tirelessly to support herself and her son, without any financial safety net or divorce settlement. She is undeniably a single mom.
Then there’s Sarah, who struggles to co-parent with her ex-husband. Their communication is limited, and she bears the emotional weight of raising her kids mostly alone.
So, where does this leave me? My ex and I manage some level of co-parenting, though it often revolves around logistics. We’re not quite at the point where we can delve into deeper issues, but I hope we can get there. Plus, I have a boyfriend now, so while I identify as single, I’m not completely alone. I also have a supportive network of family and friends who lend a hand when needed.
So, here I stand. I am not clinging to a life raft; I’m doing just fine. Thus, I wouldn’t say I’m a single mom.
But hold on. I’m not married to my children’s father, and we’re not in a romantic relationship. There’s no real friendship between us either. I bear the weight of my worries, fears, and joys alone. When I’m unwell and have the kids, it’s all on me. When they fall ill, I am the one who cares for them. When I miss my son during camp, I can’t talk to the one person who shares that longing. When my daughter bursts into the kitchen in a wild costume, singing Taylor Swift, I can’t share that joy with her dad. I am emotionally responsible for them all the time and physically responsible for half the time, but those moments are solely mine to navigate.
I may not have all the answers, but I know this: I’m divorced, I’m single, I’m a mother, and labels have never been my favorite.
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Summary:
Navigating single motherhood can be complex and often defies simple labels. While some women face significant hardships, others experience a different reality. Each mother’s journey is unique, and understanding this spectrum can shed light on the varied experiences of single moms today.