Men change diapers. Yes, they do, and they require a safe and hygienic place to do so when they’re out with their little ones. But why is the conversation surrounding the absence of changing tables in men’s restrooms neglecting to address its impact on women?
Recently, I found myself at dinner with my partner, Alex, and another family. With three toddlers in diapers, it was only a matter of time before someone needed a change. When my daughter needed attention, Alex was the closest adult and went to tend to her. However, just moments later, he returned empty-handed.
This familiar scenario has become all too common. It’s not that Alex is competing for the world record in quick diaper changes; rather, it’s the frustrating reality that there was no changing table in the men’s room. I was left to take our daughter to the women’s restroom for the change.
As of January 1, 2019, a law was enacted in New York City mandating that all newly built or renovated public men’s restrooms must include a changing table. This is a significant step forward, and it’s about time—yet it should have occurred long before 2019.
Following the law’s passage, various articles praised the initiative, emphasizing that fathers deserve a clean and safe environment to change their children, as diaper duty is a shared responsibility. I wholeheartedly agree, but there’s a deeper issue at play here. The discussion shouldn’t solely revolve around men and their needs; it also involves women and, more specifically, mothers.
It was surprising to see that many articles overlooked how the absence of changing tables in men’s restrooms affects women. Often, society places the primary caregiving role on women, whether they choose it or not. By relegating changing tables exclusively to women’s restrooms, we perpetuate the notion that mothers alone should be responsible for diaper changes. This expectation forces women to leave their friends and family at mealtime to tend to their child in a public restroom, often dealing with a squirming toddler who has other ideas.
Not long ago, a widely shared photo captured a mother separated from her family during a birthday celebration, focusing on her child while others enjoyed the festivities. An observer noted that no one stepped in to allow her a moment of respite. This highlights a societal issue: we need not just better medical support for postpartum depression but also a community that recognizes and assists mothers, helping them reclaim their place at the table.
Many wonder why mothers grapple with postpartum depression or struggle with self-care amidst the joys of motherhood. It could be because society often implies that they must shoulder the burdens of parenting alone.
While it’s encouraging that men are advocating for the inclusion of changing tables, it’s disheartening that the impetus for change often centers around men’s needs. What about the needs of women? What about the support mothers crave? Shouldn’t these concerns also drive change?
When I returned home that evening, I reached out to the restaurant manager to inquire about plans for installing a changing table in the men’s room. I intend to make this request every time I encounter this situation. Change occurs when we voice our needs and recognize that the current norms no longer serve us. It’s time for women to raise their voices alongside men.
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Summary
The necessity for changing tables in men’s restrooms is not merely a matter of convenience for fathers; it profoundly impacts mothers, who often bear the brunt of caregiving responsibilities. While progress is being made, it’s crucial to ensure that women’s voices and needs are included in the conversation.