February 14th—the day celebrated as Valentine’s Day. It’s a time when affection is expected to fill the air. For many, this means receiving flower bouquets, enjoying lavish dinners, and indulging in sweet treats. There are romantic evenings, perhaps a little intimacy for those fortunate enough to share the day with a partner. Restaurants become fully booked, stores run low on red-themed gifts, and social media overflows with images of roses and love notes.
Once upon a time, I reveled in all these traditions. However, this year feels starkly different. I remind myself that this is simply part of the grieving process—the “Year of Firsts” after losing my husband. I find myself planning to sort through the sentimental cards he gave me over the 15 Valentine’s Days we celebrated together, recalling our memories of waiting for our first child’s arrival on this very day a decade ago. I can picture the flowers he sent from afar on our initial Valentine’s Day as a couple and the sweet surprises he left for me throughout the years. Yet, I know I will navigate through this; it’s just another day now.
I am not alone in this feeling. There are countless individuals this Valentine’s Day who wish for the 14th of February to simply pass unnoticed. So many are grappling with the pain of lost love, often unnoticed by those around them. Consider the woman at the grocery store, staring blankly at the heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, or the person standing in front of the Valentine’s card display, realizing there is no one to whom she can send a card. The couple walking hand in hand in the parking lot remain oblivious to the heartache that just pierced her soul.
Since my husband’s passing a few months ago, I’ve been documenting my experiences. In response, I’ve received numerous messages from widows and widowers across the nation, sharing their own tales of sorrow. I often wonder why they choose to confide in me, as I do not consider myself an expert on life or grief. Yet, they reach out nonetheless.
I joined an online group for young widows, where each narrative is more heartbreaking than the last. One widow’s significant date is Valentine’s Day. The stories of how their loved ones were taken from them can make my own experience feel trivial. My heart aches for each of them, especially their children—many younger than mine—seeking answers about their missing parent. I understand well the silence that accompanies such questions.
The emotional strain is tangible in the messages I receive. Often, my keyboard bears the marks of tears after reading their heartfelt words. Many are paralyzed by fear, grief, anxiety, and uncertainty about their futures and those of their children. They wish it were merely a bad dream from which they could awaken.
I don’t have the answers. I’m still finding my own path through this maze of emotions. I encourage them to lean on friends, family, and anyone in their lives willing to lend support, fully aware that this is easier said than done. I frequently wonder if these women face their grief alone, without anyone to help ease their burdens. Perhaps they lack friends to bring them comfort or to take their children for a day so they can have a moment to themselves. I truly don’t know how to assist these new connections in my life.
So, I write. I urge you to reach out to those who are hurting. There are numerous souls in need of kindness, support, and a listening ear—not just on this commercialized day of love but every single day they wake up without their partners. This Valentine’s Day, please take the time to see them. Be the kindness they long for, the encouraging words they need, the listening ear they crave.
This morning, my daughter was humming a tune while coloring. Intrigued, I peeked around the corner and recognized her rendition of The O’Jays’ “Love Train.” I chuckled at her off-key singing, “People all over the world, join hands, start a love train, love train.” Regardless of the tune, the message was unmistakable: LOVE. Spread it.
In summary, Valentine’s Day can amplify feelings of loss for many individuals. It is crucial to recognize the silent pain of those who are grieving and offer them support, kindness, and understanding.