About ten years ago, my husband of twenty years unexpectedly left me and our three children for a new life. The betrayal shattered me, leaving me emotionally and physically drained, exacerbating my chronic Lyme disease from the overwhelming stress. As we ended our marriage, I made a promise to myself: I would always collaborate with my children’s father in the event of a health crisis, setting aside my quest for forgiveness so we could co-parent as if we were still together.
The Moment of Truth
This promise was put to the test in May 2018. Our second child, Jamie, was flying to Florida to reunite with his older brother and lifelong friends for the Memorial Day weekend. During the flight, he fell seriously ill. By the time he got off the plane, he knew he had to call for help, leading to an ambulance ride to a local hospital.
Even though Jamie was 25 and technically an adult, the surgeon contacted me late that night with urgent news: Jamie needed immediate surgery due to a possible twist in his small intestine. His life was at stake, and they had to operate right away. His brother stayed by his side, keeping a watchful eye on Jamie’s care until I could reach him.
Navigating Single Parenthood
When my marriage collapsed, I became a single mom overnight. Though it was a demanding role, it was also a lifeline. I knew I had to show up for my kids, taking on both parental roles. I chose not to co-parent with my ex, and he didn’t push for it either. There was too much hurt, and the kids instinctively understood that they were safest with me and their siblings.
I eventually remarried and encouraged my children to maintain their relationships with their dad, stepmother, and half-sisters—because it was best for everyone involved.
After two days of flight delays due to heavy rain, I finally reached Jacksonville, eager to be with Jamie. Initially, he thought he could handle things with his brother, but I could tell he felt relieved when I told him I was on my way. I knew my older son and I would take care of Jamie, just as we had done countless times over the past decade. I planned to keep my ex in the loop, along with other family members.
A Dad’s Involvement
The following day, my ex called to say he had booked a flight from Washington, D.C. Even though it would complicate things for me, I knew I couldn’t deny Jamie the chance to have both parents by his side. Shortly after, I received texts from my older son and daughter confirming their dad’s travel plans. I reassured them that I was okay.
When I informed Jamie that his dad was on the way, he kept asking if he had arrived yet. It became clear that he needed both of us during this challenging time.
Teamwork in Action
My ex and I worked together to care for Jamie by splitting shifts, like we used to when we were married. We walked laps around the hospital floor multiple times a day to aid in Jamie’s recovery. I hadn’t spent this much time with my ex since our marriage, and we even watched the Kentucky Derby together, positioned on either side of Jamie’s hospital bed.
After his surgery, Jamie stayed at his dad’s house, just a mile from his apartment. The doctors advised a low-fiber diet for his recovery, so I prepared meals with an extra dash of love and drove over an hour to deliver them to my ex.
However, Jamie experienced a relapse shortly after returning home. My ex called to discuss symptoms, and we agreed that he needed to return to the hospital. I felt confident that my ex would advocate for Jamie just as well as I could.
The doctors inserted a nasogastric tube without anesthesia, a painful procedure that both Jamie and his dad described as excruciating. My heart broke for them, but I was grateful I didn’t have to witness it firsthand. I trusted my ex to support Jamie as best as possible.
Fortunately, Jamie spent only a few more days in the hospital and avoided additional surgery. He made a full recovery, and the twelve-inch scar on his abdomen has become a conversation starter at the pool.
Recognizing What Matters
Ultimately, Jamie’s medical emergency was a perfect storm of circumstances. Regardless of the reasons, I set aside my need for forgiveness so that he could have the love and support of both parents during the toughest time of his life. He deserved the best from us, and that’s what we provided. While I hope our kids won’t face more medical crises, I know that if they do, their mom and dad will rise to the occasion as a united front, offering the love they need.
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Summary: After a decade of struggle, the author learns to set aside the need for forgiveness of her ex-husband during a medical emergency involving their son. Together, they navigate the challenges of co-parenting, showing that love and support for their children can prevail despite past hurt.