ADHD Isn’t a ‘Parenting Failure’ and Other Insights You Should Know

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I still remember a classmate from my teenage years who often seemed detached during group assignments. He would doze off, zone out, and frequently miss out on taking notes when the teacher explained tasks. One day, in frustration, he revealed to our group that he had ADHD. He shared how daily activities were a struggle for him, yet, regrettably, we dismissed his feelings and labeled him as lazy, assuming he was merely taking advantage of our efforts for a good grade.

This memory resurfaced when my own child received an ADHD diagnosis. Thankfully, I had already educated myself about the reality of ADHD prior to this moment. I often find myself wishing I could reach out to that classmate and apologize for my past ignorance. With October being ADHD Awareness Month, it feels like the right time to share the insights I’ve gained about this condition.

ADHD is More Than Just One Disorder

Dr. Lisa Thompson, a neuropsychologist based in Los Angeles, explains that ADHD is “a neurological condition with various behavioral aspects, including motor and cognitive components.” ADHD is categorized into three subtypes. Previously, it was divided into ADD and ADHD, but now ADD is recognized as the inattentive type of ADHD. This subtype is characterized by challenges in maintaining attention, following instructions, and organizing tasks. It often affects girls and adults more prominently.

The second subtype is the hyperactive and impulsive type, where individuals feel a constant urge to move, often fidgeting, squirming, and having trouble remaining seated. They might talk excessively, interrupt others, and struggle with self-control. This type is more frequently diagnosed in children and males. The third subtype, known as the combined type, displays symptoms of both inattention and hyperactivity/impulsivity.

Obtaining an ADHD Diagnosis Can Be a Journey

We consulted three different doctors before finally receiving the correct diagnosis for our child. This process was time-consuming, costly, and required a lot of patience. Accessing specialists can take months, during which time our child faced significant challenges both at home and in school. One doctor even remarked that my child’s behavior was “normal for a boy.” Yet, according to recent statistics, 9.4% of children are diagnosed with ADHD, with a higher prevalence in boys. This highlights that ADHD is quite common, but it took us years to get the appropriate diagnosis.

Dr. Thompson notes that ADHD can manifest from an early age, but it is often diagnosed when children begin to struggle academically. She emphasizes the importance of a formal diagnosis, utilizing tools like standardized testing to ensure an accurate assessment, which is crucial for setting up children for success.

Various Treatment Approaches for ADHD

In the past, Ritalin was commonly prescribed for ADHD, but our understanding of the condition has evolved significantly. Dr. Thompson explains that ADHD can be effectively managed with medication, but it also responds well to behavior modification and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Such strategies can help retrain the brain and develop lasting coping habits. We have seen positive outcomes from speech and occupational therapy, which assist with working memory, language skills, and sensory needs.

Some parents choose to implement dietary changes alongside or instead of medications, such as eliminating artificial dyes or processed foods and introducing omega supplements. Deciding on medication can be difficult due to potential side effects, including sleep and eating disturbances. Dr. Thompson adopts a holistic approach, discussing medication benefits and side effects while encouraging tracking of progress. In contrast to therapy, which may take time for results, medication can produce immediate effects if effective.

Breaking the Stigma Surrounding ADHD

When my classmate revealed his ADHD, our group’s reaction was harsh, fueled by the stigma that surrounded the condition back then. Many people, including myself, were misinformed and believed ADHD was not a legitimate diagnosis. Fortunately, society’s understanding of ADHD has advanced, and it is now recognized as a genuine medical condition.

It’s essential to understand that children diagnosed with ADHD may have other co-existing conditions, such as oppositional defiance disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), or learning disabilities (LD) like dyslexia or dyscalculia. Children with ADHD are also at an increased risk for anxiety and depression. A competent healthcare provider works diligently to ensure a correct diagnosis.

Children diagnosed with ADHD may be eligible for a 504 plan or an Individualized Education Program (IEP) within the public education system. These accommodations can provide necessary support and resources, ensuring that they have access to education alongside their peers.

ADHD Is Not a Reflection of Parenting Skills

A prevalent myth suggests that parents of children with ADHD are failing in their roles. Comments often imply that stricter discipline or avoiding indulgent behaviors would resolve their children’s challenges. However, it’s crucial to recognize that the ADHD brain functions differently than others, and there is no parenting strategy that can cure it. Dr. Thompson points out that children with ADHD thrive in structured, consistent, and calm environments, which help them predict routines and connect positive reinforcement with outcomes.

While parents are not responsible for their child’s ADHD, it is still important to manage stress and seek support if needed. Understanding your child’s strengths and triggers is key; typical parenting techniques may not be effective and can sometimes backfire. Resources like The Explosive Child and The Yes Brain have been invaluable in our journey.

Fortunately, the societal perception of ADHD has improved since my teenage years, with an increasing number of resources available to support children with this diagnosis. Most importantly, children are now better equipped to advocate for themselves and celebrate their achievements.

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In summary, ADHD is a complex neurological condition that affects many children and is often misunderstood. With proper diagnosis, treatment options, and societal acceptance, children with ADHD can thrive and succeed.