Parenting Insights by Jessica Thompson
Originally Published: Aug. 22, 2010
It might not be trendy or politically correct in today’s parenting culture, but I’m going to be honest: I have a favorite child. This particular kid is attentive, lends a hand around the house, maintains a positive outlook, and is simply a joy to be around. Spending time with my favorite child is genuinely delightful.
On the other hand, my other child doesn’t quite fit the bill of “favorite.” This one often tunes me out, is reluctant to help out at home, exhibits a less-than-stellar attitude, and generally offers less fun in our interactions. I can hear the judgment ringing in your ears—yes, I have favorites. But let me clarify; my favorite fluctuates.
Depending on the week, the day, or even the hour, I find that one of my children temporarily becomes my shining star. My favorite child, for instance, tackles homework without a nudge from me, gets ready for soccer practice with enthusiasm—shin guards on, water bottle filled, and a beaming smile. This child relishes dinner, hops into the shower with ease, reads quietly, and often bids me goodnight with a sweet kiss and a compliment. I swear, once my favorite child told me my hair looked fantastic—while it was tied in a ponytail! I nearly melted.
Then there’s the other child. This one tends to be glum. The non-favorite drags their feet on homework, struggles to lace up soccer cleats after multiple reminders, loses track of their soccer ball, and somehow blames me for not keeping an eye on it. Seriously? The non-favorite grumbles about the dinner I prepare—dinner that was a hit just last week—and the thought of asking this child to shower feels like asking a fish to hop on land. When it comes to bedtime, I hear a full lecture about how late other kids in their class can stay up.
Just when I think I’m about to snap at my non-favorite kid, a miracle occurs. The next morning, I’m greeted by an unusually cheerful face and a bright attitude. Suddenly, there’s excitement about the day ahead, tales of friends, and an eagerness for breakfast. I find myself pleasantly surprised.
But then, the other child—the favorite—awakens. It seems that overnight, my darling angel has undergone some sort of personality swap. Yesterday’s favorite has now transformed into the new non-favorite. I’m met with complaints about the day of the week (evidently, Tuesdays are the worst), the dreary weather (which I somehow caused), and the seemingly inadequate breakfast options available. Apparently, waffles, eggs, cereal, bagels, yogurt, and fruit just don’t cut it for this child.
What gives? Did my kids hold a covert meeting during the night to exchange attitudes? Did one sense my impending frustration while the other caught on to my kindness? There’s no clear pattern here; sometimes the shift happens during school hours or in the middle of a lazy Saturday.
Regardless, I take comfort in this balance. Neither child is a clear favorite for long; it all evens out in the end. I don’t feel guilty about having a favorite since it’s ever-changing.
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In summary, parenting often feels like a rollercoaster ride of emotions and dynamics. While favorites may shift daily, the love and joy we share remain constant.