I have a little-known fact about myself that I rarely discuss with my fellow moms. Over the years, I’ve deftly avoided conversations that might reveal this truth, opting instead to smile and nod when the subject arises. This secret often leaves me feeling a bit out of sync with other parents, and I sense it can sometimes make them feel judged, although that’s never my intention.
However, the moment you step into my home, my secret becomes glaringly obvious.
My living space is not chaotic. In fact, I’d venture to say it’s so meticulously kept that even a home organization guru would be impressed. There are no stacks of mail cluttering the countertops, and the laundry room floor is clearly visible. My closets aren’t overflowing with toys or linens, and my sink typically remains empty except for the occasional bowl or cup if I’m in a hurry.
Yes, I’m the mom whose house is nearly always tidy, and my drive to declutter has often been the subject of lighthearted teasing from my nearest friend, Rachel. She’s affectionately poked fun at my close relationship with the thrift store employees and my inability to let our luggage sit around after a trip.
Being organized is simply a part of who I am, and when I embraced motherhood, establishing structure and order became my lifeline.
When my daughter was born, I was caught off guard by the whirlwind that a newborn brings. I was fully aware that babies come with a mountain of gear, and our living room resembled a baby store in those initial months. I understood that having a child would drastically change our previously serene life. What I didn’t anticipate was how lost I would feel in this new role.
After struggling with postpartum challenges—including an intense bout of mastitis—I found those early days of motherhood some of my darkest. I now recognize that I was also grappling with unacknowledged anxiety, but at the time, I often found myself in tears, realizing that motherhood didn’t come instinctively to me. Everything felt foreign, and my daughter was affected by my unease.
My anxiety made the early days of motherhood feel even more overwhelming. My daughter was often fussy, and I sensed she needed me to find a way to create a more soothing environment for both of us. Without any routine, and while I was grateful to be a stay-at-home mom, the hours dragged on when it was just me and a constantly hungry infant.
So, I turned to what I knew would bring me comfort: organization. The chaos of “going with the flow” never worked for me pre-kids, and I finally admitted that if I wanted to survive those early days, I needed to establish a routine for both our daily activities and our home environment.
I began by outlining our days and diligently sticking to that schedule. I took charge of our household in the only way I knew how: I cleaned and organized. I created a system that suited our young family, and slowly, the fog began to lift.
I learned to forgive myself for needing order in my life. I accepted that I’m not the type of mom who can thrive with chaos or loose papers cluttering the countertops.
So, yes, my home is well-kept, but it’s not intended to make other moms feel inadequate. I have no judgment for those whose kitchens look like they’ve been hit by a cyclone of toys and snacks. In fact, I sometimes find myself envious of those who can navigate parenting without needing the same level of structure. I want to be the mom who laughs about the state of her bathroom after a shopping spree, but that version of me would be stressed and anxious, which isn’t fair to my family.
I know there are other moms who, like me, find solace in restoring order at the end of the day. Moms who derive satisfaction from completing simple tasks like making their beds or tidying the kitchen. A clean house doesn’t equate to being a “hands-off” mom, so to all the sanctimonious moms who think that a crumb-free counter means our kids are neglected, it’s time to reconsider.
My tidy home doesn’t mean I ignore my children, nor does it reflect poorly on my parenting skills. Often, after the kids are tucked in bed, I unwind with a glass of wine, some music, and a clean kitchen. For me, there is peace in order, and if you’re a mother who thrives on cleanliness and structure, own it! I won’t judge you.
Yes, my toilets are generally clean, and yes, my home is organized. I won’t apologize for what I needed to maintain my sanity during those early chaotic months, nor will I apologize for continuing what works for my family.
So please don’t unfollow me because my floors are spotless. Every parent can use a friend willing to help out when it’s time for a deep clean.