It was a bustling family gathering, a prelude to a wedding weekend, with relatives arriving from far and wide—some familiar faces and others I hadn’t seen in ages. Hugs were exchanged as the children joyfully played outside, while the adults filled their plates and shared stories.
I noticed a young boy, perhaps around 10 or 11 years old, passing by frequently. He was quite tall for his age, athletic and full of energy. Unlike the other kids who seemed oblivious to my daughter, Mia, this boy paused each time he walked by, his expression a mix of curiosity and uncertainty as he took in Mia’s severe skin condition, which resembles a persistent sunburn covering her entire body.
On his fourth pass, he finally stopped directly in front of her. I braced myself for what I anticipated might be a question or even an unkind remark about her appearance. An uncomfortable wave of annoyance began to rise within me, ready to defend my daughter.
But in a surprising turn of events, he knelt down to her level and said, “Wow, aren’t you the prettiest girl? I love your dress! Are you having fun?”
My heart melted. Instantly, my fears of needing to protect Mia dissolved. I had completely misjudged this child’s intentions, and I was delighted to be wrong.
Defensiveness can easily distort our perceptions. It prepares us for conflict before we even encounter it, clouding our ability to truly listen. When we feel threatened, whether that threat is real or imagined, we often close ourselves off from understanding others’ feelings.
Choosing to set aside my defensive instincts allows me to focus outward, helping me to listen more deeply and understand those around me. Most of the time, when faced with differing opinions or inquiries, I remind myself not to take offense but rather to consider that the other person may be expressing their own feelings—hurt, pride, or confusion—that have little to do with me.
While I won’t pretend that hurtful comments or unkind labels don’t sting when directed at Mia, we’ve also been pleasantly surprised by the kindness of strangers time and again. Just as we don’t want others to assume they know Mia’s story, we strive to avoid making negative judgments about how others will react.
On some days, I wish for outings free from stares and probing questions. Although education about Mia’s condition, harlequin ichthyosis, is important, I’d prefer a world where people greet us with a friendly “hello” instead. I dream of a society where we can all practice kindness over judgment, engaging with one another without the need to question or rush to conclusions.
When faced with defensiveness, it can lead to hidden anger and resentment. However, by choosing grace, we can foster kindness. I’ve found that when we respond with kindness instead of anger, it nurtures self-confidence, contentment, and connections.
Not long ago, while at a fast-food restaurant, an older gentleman began speaking to me before I was fully aware. I heard him mention something about “keeping a hat on” Mia. My cheeks flushed, bracing for what I thought would be a lecture on sun safety—an all-too-familiar scenario.
“What was that?” I asked, mentally preparing to counter his presumed criticism.
He clarified, “I was just saying I don’t know how you keep her hat on. My grandkids always pull theirs off!” He smiled warmly and added, “She’s a real cutie.”
In moments like these, I’m reminded that kindness often triumphs over bias, and we should be open to the unexpected reactions of others.
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In summary, this encounter with a young boy reminded me that kindness and understanding can shine brightly, even in the face of uncertainty. We must be open to the perspectives of others and choose connection over defensiveness.