In many respects, my father embodied the traditional paternal figure. He exhibited conservative tendencies and could be rather stern at times. As a strong-willed and independent individual raising a similarly headstrong daughter, we often clashed. However, the reality is that my dad imparted invaluable lessons about equality and feminism – truly understanding what it means to champion these values, whether he was fully aware of it or not.
Before anyone reacts to the term “feminist,” let’s clarify that it fundamentally signifies equality. Feminism is about achieving balance and fairness for everyone. To be honest, my father likely doesn’t embrace the label either. Yet, the essence of the term is what truly matters—it’s about equality. In this sense, my dad was undoubtedly a feminist.
Partnership and Shared Responsibilities
For starters, my parents demonstrated a genuine partnership in every aspect of their lives. They operated a modest business together, which flourished into something substantial over 40 years. They shared household responsibilities, with my dad frequently preparing meals for our family.
Supportive Approach to Relationships
His lessons about feminism extended beyond their marriage and into how he viewed romantic relationships. Unlike the absurd stereotypes of fathers brandishing shotguns to intimidate their daughters’ suitors, my dad took a far more supportive approach. Did he like all my boyfriends? Certainly not. In fact, there were a few he couldn’t stand. However, he never forbade me from seeing anyone or tried to intervene to “protect” me.
Instead, our discussions about dating centered on my autonomy in those situations. Was this guy a good match for me? Did he inspire me to be my best self? Was he respectful? My father always conveyed his belief in my ability to navigate my own life.
Rejecting Overprotectiveness
He dismissed the overprotective dad trope found in sitcoms and social media, which often suggests that fathers should fear for their daughters’ safety. Sure, like any father, he was protective of my sister and me, but he never crossed into the realm of excessive worry. I am grateful for this perspective.
My father’s refusal to subscribe to these clichés implied his understanding that boys should conduct themselves appropriately. He expected that of them and didn’t fall into the harmful, albeit often unintentional, notion that young women require constant safeguarding. Through his support of my decisions, I learned to trust myself, even when I stumbled. Of course, I made poor choices and spent time with the wrong people, but isn’t that part of growing up? When I finally met my husband, I was confident in my choice, not because of my father’s approval, but because I felt it in my heart.
Empowerment and Self-Sufficiency
Most significantly, my dad instilled in me the belief that I am just as competent as anyone else, regardless of gender. He affirmed that I didn’t need a man to protect or provide for me. “If you want something in life, you must position yourself to attain it,” he advised one evening as we washed dishes together. His response was likely prompted by some teenage whine for a new purse or trendy shoes. Whether deliberate or not, his words conveyed an essential lesson in feminism: Be self-sufficient and take charge of your destiny. He reinforced his confidence in my capabilities, ensuring I understood that I was deserving of respect and opportunity like everyone else.
The Role of Fathers in Feminism
As parents, we are perpetually imparting lessons to our children—whether through our actions or words. While mothers often focus on their roles in discussions around feminism and equality, we must not overlook the significant influence that fathers, uncles, grandfathers, brothers, and mentors have in raising children to embrace these values. Subtle lessons can profoundly impact a child’s understanding of the world. So here’s to the fathers nurturing feminist values in their sons and daughters—whether they realize it or not—because they are engaged in essential work.
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Summary:
This article celebrates fathers who, whether knowingly or not, raise their children with feminist values. It emphasizes the importance of equality and self-sufficiency, highlighting how fathers can instill confidence and independence in their daughters and sons.