As a clinical psychologist focusing on maternal anxiety and stress, I have witnessed the heightened worries of mothers, especially in the face of crises. The anxiety surrounding events like the coronavirus outbreak has led many mothers to express their fears, often stating they must “be strong for the kids.” This notion of strength is a common theme I’ve encountered in my practice, where mothers feel compelled to suppress their negative emotions, believing that doing so will make them better parents.
Moms frequently confide that they cannot afford to feel anxious, sad, or angry because those emotions could hinder their parenting abilities. This flawed definition of “maternal strength” translates to simply “putting on a brave face.” However, when I ask these mothers how they respond to their children’s negative feelings, the answer is markedly different. They don’t instruct their kids to “suck it up and move on.” Instead, they encourage their children to express their emotions, process their feelings, and find healthy ways to cope.
If we recognize the importance of emotional expression in our children, why do we dismiss its significance for ourselves? Emotional expression is just as vital for mothers as it is for children. The reality is that motherhood often involves navigating a whirlwind of conflicting emotions—pride, love, anxiety, guilt, frustration—often all in the span of a single day. Acknowledging these feelings not only benefits us but can also enhance our parenting.
Ignoring our emotions can lead to overwhelming stress, resulting in emotional blow-ups that disrupt our ability to parent effectively. Here’s what I advise mothers about managing their emotions:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: When you experience sadness, anxiety, or anger, take a moment to recognize what you’re feeling. Some mothers find it helpful to jot down their emotions. You can easily keep a record on your phone or use one of many mood tracking applications.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Accept where you are emotionally. This is especially important during crises when negative news is rampant.
- Determine Your Response: After acknowledging your feelings, consider how best to cope with them. This could involve seeking help from a partner or friend, allowing your children some screen time while you take a break, or even going for a walk to clear your head.
It’s worth noting that while some mothers prefer to keep their negative emotions private, there are times when showing vulnerability can be beneficial. For instance, if you have a fear of spiders and your kids are aware, facing that fear can teach them valuable lessons about courage. Similarly, if you’re grieving a loss, showing your children that it’s okay to cry can normalize their feelings when they experience sadness.
During challenging times, like the current pandemic, it’s completely acceptable to express your disappointment about the disruptions in life. Sharing these feelings with your children can help validate their emotions. Once you’ve acknowledged your shared feelings, you can work together to find solutions, such as planning a virtual celebration for a birthday.
Let’s come together to redefine what it means to be a “strong” mother. A true strong mother embraces her emotions—sadness, anxiety, anger—and views them as signals that she needs to take action for her well-being. She openly communicates her feelings to her children when appropriate, demonstrating that emotional honesty is a sign of strength.
For more insights on maternal health and support, you can explore resources like this article or check out intracervicalinsemination.com for expert advice on emotional well-being. Additionally, the CDC offers excellent information on pregnancy and maternal health.
Summary
Redefining maternal strength involves embracing and expressing emotions rather than suppressing them. Mothers should recognize the importance of acknowledging their feelings, as doing so can improve their parenting and emotional well-being. By allowing themselves to feel and communicate their emotions, mothers can model healthy emotional practices for their children.