Hey there! I realize we’ve never exchanged a greeting at drop-off like I do with the moms. It’s not that I don’t want to; I just find it a bit awkward to chat with men I haven’t met before. Honestly, with my messy hair and tired eyes, I wouldn’t want to give the wrong impression.
But I do notice you. I see you each morning, carrying that vibrant pink backpack and ensuring your daughter gets to school on time. I hear you advising her to tuck her chilly hands into her jacket, a sentiment I share with my own child. You’re the one applying chapstick, asking for a sweet kiss before she heads off. You remind her you’ll be waiting after school, and your gaze lingers on her even after she walks away. You wait until she’s safely inside, and then you turn to head back home.
I often wonder what your day looks like after drop-off. Do you run a successful business from home? Do you brave the morning traffic to reach an office? Perhaps you’re on the hunt for fun after-school snacks or tackling household chores like making the bed and doing the dishes. Or maybe you take a moment to relax with some coffee and scroll through social media.
I can’t help but think about the challenges you might face as a dad in what seems like a “woman’s world.” Are there gatherings for fathers at the playground? Do moms invite you into their conversations? Are there community events designed for dads? Have you ever been approached to join a DOPs (Dads of Preschoolers) group? When you’re out shopping, do you find yourself changing diapers on the bathroom floor if the facilities lack changing tables? Do you grapple with feelings about your professional identity and financial prospects as a stay-at-home parent?
While I’m curious, I never ask these questions because they’re really none of my business—and frankly, I wouldn’t want to impose with my morning breath.
Society often tries to paint a picture of difference between us. As a woman, I’m perceived as the nurturing caregiver, yet I can see the love that shines in your daughter’s eyes when she looks at you. You are just as capable of providing her with affection and support. I notice your wedding ring and wonder about your wife’s career. She, too, is just as competent and driven in the workplace.
While you may be larger and stronger, you also embody gentleness when reading bedtime stories. I may be softer and smaller, but those kids know they better be upstairs by the time I reach fifteen!
Like many mothers, I don’t always feel like the ideal parent I envisioned. Do you question whether you’re meeting societal expectations as a father who stays home? Is this what you imagined about fatherhood?
We may never have an in-depth discussion about this before the bell rings, but please know: I see you, I appreciate your efforts, and it’s clear your little girl adores her dad.
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Summary
This heartfelt letter reflects on the experiences of a father at school drop-off, acknowledging the unique challenges and societal perceptions he faces. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing the love and care fathers provide, despite the traditional roles often assigned to parents. The piece invites empathy and understanding, pointing out that parenting transcends gender norms.