When did you first face criticism about your clothing? Was it during childhood when someone told you to “dress appropriately”? Perhaps it was in school when someone deemed your shorts “too revealing.” Or maybe it was as a teenager when people suggested your skirt was too provocative, implying you were “asking for trouble.” If you’re a woman, you’ve likely encountered these judgments, experiencing their harmful effects firsthand. This is precisely why one mother from Portland, Mia Thompson, refuses to impose modesty standards on her daughters.
Mia, a popular blogger and mother of six girls, could teach a masterclass on why shaming girls for their clothing choices is not only misguided but also damaging. She runs a family-oriented blog with her husband, Alex, called Beyond Us, and recently shared a compelling post explaining her stance on modesty that has resonated widely.
“Modesty is subjective; true modesty is about our mindset and values,” she writes. “Imposing modesty rules is essentially about control, which undermines our commitment to bodily autonomy.” Preach it!
Mia elaborates that the concept of “modesty” varies significantly across different cultures, religions, and eras. What one person sees as modest may differ vastly from another’s perspective. To illustrate this, Mia shared an image of herself in a dress that some might find acceptable while others would not. “Growing up, this dress would have been considered inappropriate due to its neckline and fit,” she recalls. “Some people might feel comfortable with my daughter in a blue skirt, while others would disapprove of her crop top and shorts.”
In our contemporary society, parents strive to raise children who appreciate their bodies for their abilities rather than their appearance. We want to empower our kids to express their uniqueness and embrace their individuality.
Mia mentions that while her children adhere to school dress codes, they have the freedom to choose what they wear otherwise. She encourages them to reflect on six practical questions regarding their clothing choices, none of which concern arbitrary societal standards:
- Can you engage in activities without worrying about your clothing?
- Is your outfit suitable for the weather?
- Will your clothing be appropriate for the setting and convey respect for the environment and the people present?
- Are you comfortable with the parts of your body that may be exposed, and how would you feel if someone commented on that?
- What inspired your outfit choice, and what does it say about you?
- Are your private areas adequately protected from harm or exposure?
Mia then shares a deeply personal experience that highlights the harm of imposing modesty standards. “When I was assaulted as a teenager, I felt ashamed to speak out partly because I wore something fitted and blamed myself,” she reveals. “I thought if I hadn’t worn that, it wouldn’t have happened, despite the fact that it occurred repeatedly regardless of my attire.”
Imposing strict modesty standards can erode self-confidence, propagate the misguided belief that revealing clothing equates to seeking attention, and, most alarmingly, contribute to a culture that excuses sexual violence. It’s a dangerous mindset that suggests if you wear revealing clothes, you must be “asking for it.” As Mia points out, perpetrators of sexual assault will act regardless of what their victims are wearing, often using attire as a means to justify their actions.
She stands firm in her decision, stating, “We will not undermine their autonomy and will demonstrate the respect they deserve as individuals, which is based on their character, not their clothing choices.”
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In summary, Mia Thompson’s approach to parenting emphasizes autonomy, self-acceptance, and the rejection of harmful modesty standards. By encouraging her daughters to think critically about their clothing choices, she aims to foster confidence and individuality while challenging societal norms that can be damaging.