Parenting
A few months ago, while volunteering at my son’s school, I overheard a conversation between two girls around the age of nine. One girl was casually ranking her classmates according to her preferences, announcing that a new boy had taken the top spot on her list. The other girl listened carefully and then asked, almost in a whisper, “What number am I on your list?”
What number am I?
Even though I don’t have daughters, and I wasn’t familiar with either girl, I felt a pang of sadness when I heard that question. My instinct was to scoop her up in a hug and assure her, “No, no, no! You are not meant to be just a number on someone’s list!”
I wanted to emphasize repeatedly, “Love yourself. Recognize your own value. Your worth cannot be defined by someone else’s ranking.” My heart ached for that innocent girl and for all the other girls grappling with similar sentiments. I also felt sorrow for the younger version of myself, who had spent years measuring her worth by numbers and external validation. I have asked that very question—what number am I?—countless times, in various forms.
Hearing that young girl’s quiet question, filled with such heavy implications, left me feeling sad, frustrated, and concerned. I wished to guide her and others like her to understand that a number—be it a ranking, a weight, or a salary—can never truly encapsulate your worth. Never.
Yet, I recognized that this understanding isn’t something that can be handed down; it’s a lesson we must learn for ourselves, over and over again.
Reflecting on the months since that overheard conversation, I realize that I still struggle with that same question on some days. There are moments when I find myself measuring my worth based on various metrics—a number on the scale, the likes on a social media post, or the invitations I receive for social gatherings. Many women, regardless of age, continue to seek validation by asking, “Where do I fit in?” on various lists.
We often convince ourselves that we don’t care about these rankings, and for the most part, we genuinely don’t. Most days, we can rise above the drama and the cliques, the judgment of peers, and the social pressures.
But on certain days, we can all feel like that little girl, wondering where we stand.
Unfortunately, there will always be individuals—whether intentionally or not—who provide reasons to feel inadequate or undervalued.
Why do we allow our worth to be determined by another person’s opinion? Why do we let numbers dictate our self-esteem? And more importantly, how can we break free from this cycle?
I don’t have a simple solution, a magic formula, or a definitive guide to overcoming this endless cycle of seeking approval. However, I do believe that asking the questions of “why” and “how” can lead us toward healing.
It requires acknowledging that, despite growing indifference towards others’ opinions, we might still care more than we’d like. Recognizing this truth is vital; it allows us to confront the impact of our desire to measure up—not just on ourselves, but on women as a collective.
Fighting against societal standards—be it the unrealistic body types or the number of social media likes—requires a united front. We need to listen to one another when we hear soft, vulnerable questions like, “Where do I belong?” and “What number am I?” It takes continual effort, determination, and a commitment to dismantling these rankings, lifting each other up, and affirming, “You are not just a number!”
Each of us has been that little girl at some point, whether we choose to admit it or not. But if we collectively shift the conversation from “Where do I fit on your list?” to “How do we put an end to this?” we can begin to take meaningful steps toward change.
Perhaps the act of questioning itself is the first step—because this cycle of measurement, evaluation, and judgment must come to an end. If not for ourselves, then for the daughters we hope to inspire.
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Summary:
This message emphasizes the importance of self-worth among young girls, encouraging them to recognize their own value rather than seeking validation through rankings or numbers. It reflects on the societal pressures that lead individuals to measure themselves against others, advocating for a shift in mindset to break free from these limiting beliefs. By fostering a supportive community and addressing these issues, we can pave the way for future generations to embrace their worth without comparison.