I can’t believe it took me 34 years to come to this understanding. Like many of you, I grew up in a culture that equates a woman’s value with her desirability, which is often tied to her appearance, especially her body size. This message was ingrained in us—loudly and subtly—throughout our lives. It’s easy to spot blatant insults on TV, like when a character states, “She’s not pretty because she’s not a size __,” but the insidious effects of never seeing a plus-size character with a narrative that isn’t centered around her weight can go unnoticed for years.
As a child, I rarely saw anyone on screen who resembled me. Anyone who didn’t fit the ‘90s “heroin chic” mold was relegated to the role of the fat sidekick. The books I read, which were plentiful, echoed the same themes of disordered eating. Regardless of what I actually looked like, I didn’t see myself reflected positively in the media. And that mattered—men were choosing those other women.
I deal with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), a history of disordered eating fueled by the ’90s culture that led many girls to develop eating disorders, and a family history that embraced the idea of “thick thighs saving lives.” These reasons are just a few of the factors that contribute to my body shape, but listing them only serves to perpetuate the notion that I need to justify my worth. I’m done with that. My worth is inherent.
Here’s a reality check—I’m desirable too. Sure, not to everyone (is anyone?), but I’m someone’s type, just as you are. Yet, the media often fails to reflect this diversity of attraction.
A couple of years ago, as my son began reading “The Babysitters Club” and watching classic shows like “Full House,” I realized how lacking representation is. Every character seems to fit Hollywood’s narrow definition of beauty. When a character does not meet that standard, their story revolves around their looks—dieting, rejection, or being bullied for their appearance.
While it’s important to highlight the societal pressures on those who don’t fit these absurd beauty standards, there’s more to be done. I reached out to friends last year, seeking recommendations for TV shows with body-positive messages or characters who are not in small bodies. The responses were dishearteningly few. One show my children enjoy is “Annedroids” on Amazon Prime, which focuses on science and friendship. It features a character who isn’t in a tiny body—she’s witty and adorable. However, during our viewing, my daughters often choose to identify with other characters, never picking her, despite her charm. At ages six and eight, they’ve already absorbed the message about what is and isn’t beautiful.
Currently, many of us are exploring new shows to binge-watch. While others are engrossed in reality TV, I find myself revisiting older series. I recently finished “Mad Men” and started “Younger,” recommended as “mindless, funny, and full of attractive men” (yes, we can objectify men too). The premise is about a 40-year-old woman who pretends to be younger to land a job in publishing and embarks on a journey of self-discovery and dating.
If you’ve experienced divorce or know someone who has, you understand how quickly self-esteem can plummet. You question your desirability and struggle to find your identity. This character, however, faces no body insecurities. She appears to be effortlessly youthful, which is hardly surprising given the show’s network.
Only two minor characters in “Younger” resemble bodies closer to mine. One character humorously expresses her desire for romance, and another rudely disrupts a scene, both reinforcing the limited representation available. It took me until now, at 34, to grasp just how skewed this portrayal is.
This piece won’t conclude with a neat solution. I’m frustrated, and the beauty of the internet allows me to voice that frustration. We, as creators, storytellers, and individuals, must improve representation—not just for our children but for ourselves too.
For more insights into body positivity and representation, check out this blog post or visit WomensHealth.gov for valuable resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the entertainment industry has a responsibility to reflect the diversity of real life. Plus-size women, and all individuals who don’t conform to conventional beauty standards, deserve to see themselves as desirable and valued in media.