Dear Pro-Life Advocate,
I have quietly observed and listened to your perspectives, feeling the weight of the assumptions you hold about me. You often draw definitive lines between right and wrong, seemingly unaware of the complexities that accompany life-altering decisions. The narrative you present does not reflect my experience.
On January 5, 2016, I underwent a second-trimester abortion at 18 weeks and 3 days pregnant. My situation did not involve rape or incest, nor was I an unwed teenager. Financial concerns were not a factor, and I was not using abortion as a means of contraception. My baby was not unloved or unwanted; she was a cherished little girl named Grace, which means “gift from God.” She was a younger sister, a daughter, a niece, and a granddaughter who was deeply loved.
At 17 ½ weeks, an ultrasound revealed devastating news: our daughter was gravely ill. Grace was diagnosed with trisomy 21 and nonimmune hydrops fetalis. Her body was accumulating fluid, and her organs were failing, with her growth already stunted. Multiple specialists confirmed that survival beyond a few more weeks was medically impossible. In a matter of moments, the hopes and dreams I had for my family were shattered.
As a Christian, I believe in miracles; however, I also place trust in modern medicine. I could not bear the thought of my child suffering in what should have been the safest space for her. The idea of bonding with her only to face an inevitable farewell was unbearable. I wanted to protect the beautiful memory of my son’s birth from being overshadowed by the pain of losing my daughter.
My doctor informed me that waiting for Grace to pass on her own would increase the risks of infection, hemorrhaging, and other severe complications. I still needed to care for my son and support my husband. Faced with a horrific decision I never wanted to make, I chose to end my deeply wanted pregnancy.
Because of laws you supported, I found myself unable to terminate the pregnancy in my home state of Tennessee. Planned Parenthood could not perform the procedure after 15 weeks, and hospitals denied my request. I felt deep shame when my obstetrician, who had delivered my son, informed me she couldn’t legally assist me. My own state’s legislators did not trust me to make the best choices for my family. I felt like a fugitive, leaving my home for a state where my situation was better understood. On one of the darkest days of my life, I couldn’t even return to my own bed. Until then, I had not given much thought to the pro-life or pro-choice debate, but the laws designed to protect the unborn had left me feeling alone, frightened, and—quite frankly—angry.
I have avoided using the term “abortion” aloud due to its stigma. It’s challenging even to type it. With elections approaching, the topic feels omnipresent, haunting me at every turn. As I grieve the loss of my daughter, I also bear the burden of judgment from others.
Many pro-life friends and family members have told me, “But your situation is different.” While initially comforting, I now realize this mindset is part of the problem. I am not different; my experience is not unique. If we continue to avoid discussing abortion openly, perceptions will remain unchanged, and laws will not evolve.
Admitting I had an abortion is painful and uncomfortable, but it is my reality. The situation is not always clear-cut, and many of us navigate the gray areas of this issue while keeping our experiences private out of fear for judgment. We hesitate to advocate for our rights to shield our already broken hearts from further pain. Consequently, your voices may grow louder, more restrictive laws may be enacted, and mothers like myself may continue to lose our rights to decide what is best for our families.
While you champion your pro-life beliefs, my husband and I were in an out-of-state hospital saying goodbye to our daughter, surrounded by strangers. While you protested outside clinics, my husband was alone in a funeral home, selecting a tiny urn to hold our daughter’s ashes. As you share another anti-abortion article online, I find myself praying for my little angel, hoping she is cradled in God’s embrace. Abortion is often portrayed as a selfish act, but what you may not realize is that a part of the mother dies that day, too.
I urge you to include us in the abortion conversation. Consider the complexities before supporting anti-abortion legislation. Do not shy away from engaging with us just because our stories may be uncomfortable. We are mothers who have made the choice of abortion due to severe prenatal diagnoses, driven by love for our children and a desire to do what is best for our families.
If you want to learn more about pregnancy and related topics, I recommend checking out this resource for valuable information. For those considering family planning, this article on home insemination kits may be of interest. Additionally, for further insights into fetal development, you can visit this authoritative source.
In summary, my experience reflects the nuanced realities many face when navigating the complexities of pregnancy and abortion. It’s essential to approach these discussions with empathy and understanding, recognizing that not every situation fits neatly into predefined categories.