Dear Kids,
I want to take a moment to express my love for each of you. It’s as boundless as the ocean and just as profound as the love I have for your younger brother, who has special needs. I see how much you cherish him, and it fills my heart with joy to witness the bond you all share. The way you shower him with affection, share treats, and engage in playful games makes my heart swell. Even though he may not speak much, his giggles and the sparkle in his eyes behind those blue glasses speak volumes. You think he’s wonderful, and so do I.
I understand that sometimes it can be frustrating. It must feel like I’m often preoccupied, saying things like, “I need to attend to Ethan right now,” or “I can’t join you; I have to stay back with Ethan.” I’ve never considered myself the type of parent to stay home all the time. I was once the adventurous spirit who climbed the tallest dunes by the ocean and took daring slides at amusement parks. It feels like that person is fading into the background as I navigate life with your brother, who, at almost three, still struggles to communicate his needs. He’s also quite the runner—literally!
I’m working hard to balance my attention among you all. Do you see my efforts? Sometimes it’s not all about Ethan. Occasionally, I just want to unwind and chat with friends instead of watching yet another headstand. I’m still that mom inside, but I’m also acutely aware of your needs.
Whenever your dad is away, I make it a point to share my bed with one of you. Those quiet moments of just lying together and chatting about the little things are precious to me. I hear your questions about why we don’t dine out more often. Did you know we’ve been out twice in the last two weeks? I arranged for a babysitter just so we could build sandcastles and enjoy uninterrupted moments in the surf. I want to be the mom you remember.
Being a mom is incredibly challenging, and I’m truly doing my best. I want you to know that my love for you is greater than all the fish in the sea. I long to be close to you, to smooth back your messy hair, apply sunscreen to your nose, and wrap you in my arms for those cherished hugs.
Please remember to communicate your needs when I seem distant. I know I can be flawed and sometimes protective of my free time, but I promise you I’ll keep trying. Ethan is just one part of our family, and you three—my other incredible kids—are the ones who truly shape my experience of motherhood.
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In summary, I want you to know how deeply I care for each of you, even as I navigate the complexities of raising your brother. I’m striving to find the right balance and to show you that my love is infinite.