Dear Know-It-All,
As your due date draws near, you’re fixating on all the trivial details that won’t matter once the baby arrives. If only you could realize that now is the time for rest. Sleep as much as you can before welcoming your little one; it may be your last chance for a long time to enjoy uninterrupted slumber.
Oh, you’re struggling to sleep because of pregnancy discomfort? Trust me, soon you’ll find yourself awake at 3 AM, covered in baby spit-up, too afraid to move lest you disturb your little angel who only sleeps when cradled in your arms.
And let’s talk about the ridiculous things occupying your mind, like worrying whether you’ll embarrass yourself during delivery. When the moment comes, you won’t care if you leave a mess; you’ll be focused solely on getting that baby out faster than a teenager flipping through a magazine.
That book on natural childbirth you’re buried in? Toss it aside and grab What the Heck Do I Do with This Baby? The reality is, once labor hits, you’ll be begging for that epidural before you even hit three centimeters. Remember, labor is just a day, but parenting is a lifetime commitment. Your time would be better spent learning how to handle a newborn rather than mastering breathing techniques that won’t ease the pain but may help during your first postpartum bowel movement.
You’ve got a lot of strong opinions about parenting now, but soon enough, you’ll realize you’re completely out of your depth. Karma has a funny way of turning the tables. For every judgment you cast on another mom, expect a hefty dose of mom guilt in return. So, keep side-eyeing your friend who enjoys an extra hour of daycare while she shops or cooks. Before you know it, you’ll be wishing daycare was open on weekends too. And that woman you judged at the grocery store? You may find yourself looking in the mirror and realizing your own appearance has taken a turn for the worse.
Go ahead and indulge in that extra slice of cheesecake while you can. You think it’s all baby bump, but it’s actually settling right on your backside. And forget about being one of those lucky women who shed pounds while breastfeeding; you’ll be that mom whose child shows up at preschool mismatched and possibly still sporting remnants of breakfast.
Once your baby arrives, between caring for them, dealing with the reality of your partner’s shortcomings, and navigating postpartum hormones, you’ll likely feel overwhelmed. You may even start popping birth control like candy to avoid a second child. But don’t be surprised if one night, after a few glasses of wine, you find yourself in the same position again.
The only thing that will carry you through the stretch marks, the messes, and the challenges ahead is a love you can’t yet comprehend. So, brace yourself for the journey and try to maintain some bladder control while you still can. It’s time to put aside the judgment and start supporting fellow moms; you’re going to need them when you realize how much you don’t know.
With love,
Me
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this article on couples’ fertility journeys. Additionally, for a comforting winter meal, try this nourishing lentil soup recipe. And for those seeking further information on pregnancy, this resource at UCSF is invaluable.
Summary
This letter serves as a humorous yet honest reminder to an expectant mother, urging her to let go of trivial worries and embrace the reality of motherhood. It highlights the importance of rest, the unpredictability of parenting, and the need for support from fellow moms.