Last night, as my charming husband, Alex, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me goodnight, I found myself overwhelmed with emotion. I felt compelled to write this reflection, especially after his unexpected response to my tearful confessions.
In that vulnerable moment, all I longed for was to feel his comforting presence. Yet, I couldn’t contain my sobs. My thoughts raced, drowning out the intimacy we shared. Through my tears, I managed to voice my insecurities: “Do you ever feel like I deceived you?”
“What do you mean?” he chuckled softly, clearly puzzled.
“Do you ever look at me and think this isn’t what you signed up for, feeling trapped?”
I had instinctively edged myself to the far side of the bed, my emotions spilling out in a way I had tried so hard to keep hidden.
“Sweetheart,” he replied gently, “I’m so sorry you’ve ever believed that about yourself. I am proud of you, and I’ve always felt grateful to be your husband.”
“But I wasn’t like this when we got married,” I protested.
“You were stunning then and even more beautiful now,” he insisted.
I was at a loss for words. In the span of our nine years together, I had brought two children into this world, moved between three homes, held four different jobs, and gained over one hundred pounds. Yes, you read that correctly.
In my mind, I often preferred to hide under the covers, sparing Alex from the discomfort of touching a body I held in disdain. I thought that by avoiding intimacy, I was protecting him from my self-perceived flaws. However, I’ve come to realize that this was a misguided belief. He is here, ready to love me, and I must learn to accept that love and see myself as he does—as attractive, humorous, and deserving.
Your struggles may vary from mine, but I know many dear friends grappling with their own pain find it difficult to be open and intimate with their partners. Their hurt creates barriers that can feel insurmountable.
It is essential to allow ourselves to experience genuine love, even amidst our brokenness. So, thank you, my heroic husband, for loving me unconditionally, despite the twists my mind creates to shield me from your unwavering affection. You are truly remarkable. I am thankful for you. While I am not yet whole, I am on the path to healing.
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In summary, thank you, Alex, for your love that transcends my insecurities and for helping me heal.