“I can’t stand this family!” my little one shouts, marching off to her room and trying to slam the door. When it doesn’t latch properly, she wails as if she’s genuinely hurt. The only thing suffering is her pride—and my patience.
No, this isn’t one of my older kids. The one throwing a dramatic fit because I said it was time to get into pajamas is my youngest. Thankfully, I’ve been through this before. As a mother of four, my youngest is currently navigating the tumultuous toddler phase. Yet, even with all my experience, their wild outbursts can truly test my limits.
Does something magical happen when a child reaches that one-year mark? Is there a switch that transforms them from our sweet, innocent angels into tiny tempests determined to test our patience? I’m certain parents have been pondering these mysteries since the dawn of time.
If parenting your little one feels overwhelming, you’re not alone. Even with my background—being a mom of four and currently dealing with a preschooler—the typical toddler antics can still drive me up the wall. One moment they are joyfully silly; the next, they’re a whirlwind of emotions.
Most days, I manage to go with the flow. I know she’ll shake off her big feelings soon enough or calm down to have a rational conversation. However, on other days, it feels like I’m part of some bizarre parenting experiment, constantly being tested.
Understanding Toddler Tantrums
Here’s what I’ve learned: Toddlers are meant to explore, which means they’re bound to create messes and make mistakes. They’re also likely to throw tantrums, but there’s a reason for this behavior. Our little ones aren’t acting irrationally on purpose. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “Many times these tantrums happen because they can’t tell you what they want in words.”
They recommend that when children express themselves positively, we should respond with smiles and attention. We should also ensure we’re giving them the eye contact, calm voice, and kind words we expect from them. We can set a good example by actively listening.
Purposeful Parenting
The concept of “Purposeful Parenting” encourages us to reflect on what we want for our children. If we aim to raise happy, healthy, and productive adults, we need to start teaching these values now. Kids have a natural desire to learn new skills, and it’s our privilege to guide them. However, even with the best intentions, tantrums will still occur. Instead of resisting their natural tendencies, we can work alongside them to teach coping and communication skills.
Purposeful Parenting is built on six principles: protective, personal, progressive, positive, playful, and purposeful. To be protective, we must meet our children’s basic needs and reduce stressors. This means allowing some freedom while maintaining realistic boundaries. We can’t control every whim, like when our toddler wants to rummage through kitchen cabinets or throw food off their high chair.
Being personal involves accepting and loving our child, steering clear of labeling them as “good” or “bad.” Instead, we should focus on naming behaviors and emotions, teaching them how to express themselves when upset. Too often, we label children based on fleeting behaviors, which doesn’t help anyone.
Progressive parenting means adapting our approach based on our child’s developmental stage. This includes how we discipline and learn about child development to minimize our own frustration. Remember to celebrate positives by acknowledging our children’s good choices. The AAP emphasizes, “It is much easier to teach the behavior we want than to control unwanted behavior!”
Being positive also means avoiding punitive measures like spanking, which can increase stress and teach children that adults react to strong emotions with aggression. Instead, fostering optimism can reduce stress and build confidence. Forgiveness is key too—remind your child they can improve next time.
Being playful involves engaging in fun activities with our kids. The AAP suggests letting them take the lead during playtime. While finding time to play isn’t always easy, it significantly strengthens our bond with our children.
Purposeful parenting is about being “mindful of the child’s needs” and intentionally meeting those needs, especially during challenging moments. Keeping our long-term goals in mind helps us nurture essential skills like language, social skills, and emotional regulation. We can model these skills through our own responses to everyday life.
Remember, all actions stem from a need or desire, including our kids’. We need to be detectives, uncovering the underlying reasons behind their behaviors. As the AAP points out, a tantrum might stem from simple needs like being tired, scared, or needing attention. Since toddlers often lack the words to express their needs, we must engage in meaningful conversations rather than resorting to yelling or punitive measures.
Reading this advice may feel daunting. Parenting is a complex, ever-evolving role, especially when it comes to maintaining patience with an energetic toddler prone to outbursts. However, I choose to invest my energy in teaching coping and communication skills rather than battling against my child’s natural tendencies to react.
Additional Resources
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Summary:
Parenting toddlers can be a challenge as they often oscillate between joy and chaos. Understanding that tantrums are a natural part of their development can help parents respond more effectively. By practicing Purposeful Parenting—focusing on protection, personal connection, adaptability, positivity, playfulness, and mindfulness—parents can foster better communication and coping skills for their children. It’s essential to address the underlying needs behind a child’s behavior and engage in meaningful interactions to promote their emotional growth.