Did you catch the story about that café owner who lost her cool over a child making a mess on the floor? Or the restaurant that decided to ban kids after 7 PM? Truly absurd! If you’re opening a restaurant, you shouldn’t expect my child to maintain a pristine environment, right? Wrong.
I genuinely feel bad when my kids turn into little tornadoes during our dining outings. The reality is, I’m often so occupied with trying to keep them in their seats and making sure they eat something that I forget about the frustration I might be causing to other diners and the staff. By the time we leave, I’m just relieved that meal is over. What a way to spend hard-earned money!
With that in mind, I’d like to extend an open apology to any server who has had the misfortune of attending to my family…
Dear hardworking server,
Wow, we made it through the meal. Just barely. I can only imagine how you envisioned your shift going, so I sincerely apologize for everything my family put you through tonight. Here are a few specific regrets:
- I’m sorry my child decided to empty every sugar and artificial sweetener packet all over the table. I attempted to tidy up, but once they’re drenched in drool, it’s a lost cause.
- I’m sorry for chuckling at your mention of cocktail specials at the start of our meal. I could definitely use a drink—or six—but good luck trying to sip a cocktail while managing two little food critics. I promise to order one in about 18 years. Or maybe tonight if my baby monitor reaches that far.
- I apologize for that embarrassing moment when I snorted and peed a little. C-sections can be tricky like that, right? Total nonsense.
- I regret bringing my own snacks for the kids and taking up a larger table when I knew only one of us would be ordering. Yes, I saw the extensive kids’ menu you so kindly pointed out, but my picky eaters reject chicken fingers, mac and cheese, and pretty much everything else. If you ever consider adding peach yogurt or Pirate Booty to your menu, please let me know.
- I’m sorry the next patrons found jelly smeared all over their knees. I should have given you a heads-up to check under the table.
- I apologize for not stopping my child from licking the cheese shaker. I was too busy preventing my little one from pouring yogurt into my purse—again.
- I’m sorry my child dominated the iPad with Caillou at full volume. No, I don’t know why he’s four and still has no hair—or why his mother’s name seems to be “Mommy.” And honestly, this would have been the perfect moment for you to come back and mention those cocktail specials again.
- I apologize for the disaster zone of peas, bananas, and Cheerios we left under the highchair. I swear we didn’t bring a piñata!
- I’m sorry about the wall situation. If you haven’t noticed it yet, you will soon.
- I regret that we probably drove away the adults at the next table. But who really wants to serve a table of overindulgent patrons anyway?
- I apologize for the daggers I shot your way when you innocently offered dessert. Just know that moms have perfected the art of lip-reading when it comes to questions like “Would you like a dessert menu?”
- I’m sorry for unbuttoning my pants at the table and forgetting to do a final check before standing. I usually wear maternity jeans, but since it had been over a year since my last baby, I thought I could manage regular pants. Silly me.
I think that covers it. I truly hope you can treat yourself with the generous tip we left as compensation for this chaotic evening. You earned every cent!
Looking forward to our next visit!
Warm regards,
A Well-Meaning Parent
In summary, this piece humorously conveys the struggles of dining out with children while apologizing to the waitstaff for the chaos that often ensues. The author expresses genuine remorse for various incidents that took place during the meal, highlighting the challenges of parenting in public settings.