Trigger warning: this article contains a description of the loss of a child.
The day my son, Ethan, discovered his newfound independence was the day our world irrevocably changed. Just shy of two years old, he was a spirited little boy full of curiosity.
It was our first day moving into my father’s home after the loss of my mother three months prior. I was in the kitchen, only a short distance away—maybe 20 feet—while Ethan was engrossed in his favorite show and munching on some raisins. Meanwhile, my husband was in the garage with my father.
Unbeknownst to me, Ethan had managed to open the French doors leading to the backyard, which opened directly to the inground pool. When I returned to check on him, I found him missing. I thought he was just playing hide and seek.
“Ethan! Where are you?” I called out playfully. Panic set in as I searched the house, while my husband and father began looking outside. Moments later, I heard a horrifying scream and a splash. My husband dove in, my father called for help, and I stood frozen in disbelief. I can still hear my father’s anguished cries: “He’s in the pool! Oh my God, he’s in the pool!”
Never did I think that living in a home with a pool could pose such a significant danger. I had reassured my mother-in-law, who lives in Florida—a state known for tragic child drownings—by saying Ethan would never be outside alone. If only I had been aware of the risks in our New Jersey home.
I had underestimated Ethan that day. He was a cautious child, perhaps more so than most toddlers. Just that morning, I had shared with my father how attached Ethan was to me. For any parent reading this who believes their child would never wander off, I once thought the same. I can’t say for certain whether the door was locked, but if I had understood the importance of water safety, I would have taken the necessary precautions—just as we secure harmful household chemicals. Pools, ponds, and other bodies of water deserve equal respect.
According to the CDC, children aged 1 to 4 face the highest risk of drowning, with most incidents occurring in residential pools. Alarmingly, drowning is the leading cause of death for children in this age group, and for those aged 1 to 14, it ranks second only to motor vehicle accidents in terms of unintentional fatalities. Greater awareness of water safety and proper fencing could have saved Ethan’s life. The CDC states that a four-sided isolation fence reduces a child’s drowning risk by 83% compared to three-sided property-line fencing. This finding led to the establishment of a town ordinance named in Ethan’s honor.
In the months following our loss, we grew closer to our community and faith leaders. Almost a year after the tragedy, our rabbi shared that she had applied for a permit to install a swimming pool at her home in the same town. She learned that the fencing laws had changed, and the clerk mentioned it was due to the tragic incident involving “that little boy who died.”
We were overwhelmed with emotions. The next day, my husband reached out to learn more about the Child Fatality and Near Fatality Review Board, which examines how such tragedies can be prevented. Ethan’s case had been presented anonymously, and we discovered documentation with his initials, E.L., scattered throughout. We advocated for the committee to use Ethan’s name and image to give a personal touch to the ordinance. Now officially named Ethan’s Ordinance, it mandates that all new pool constructions include a four-sided barrier with a secure locking entrance. In a bittersweet way, it felt like Ethan was alive again through this important measure.
You might be thinking, “This could never happen to me. I keep a close watch on my child. They can swim. We don’t have a pool.” Since Ethan’s passing, I’ve heard countless stories from other mothers about near-misses involving their children—little ones slipping out of the house unnoticed or finding themselves in precarious situations. This tragedy is complex and difficult to discuss, especially among those fortunate enough to have their children safe. But I know that lives have already been saved because of Ethan’s story.
Please be vigilant around water. Educate yourself and others. Ensure that all doors leading to pools are securely locked. Don’t ever assume this tragedy couldn’t happen to you.
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Summary
The tragic loss of Ethan serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of water safety for all parents. This heartfelt narrative underscores the need for vigilance and education regarding pool safety, particularly in homes with young children. The establishment of Ethan’s Ordinance highlights how awareness and action can prevent similar tragedies from occurring in the future.