Sometimes, life needs to unravel completely for you to reassemble the pieces.
A few weeks ago, I endured significant and mysterious eye pain due to viral keratitis. Shortly after, I was shocked to find my forehead and scalp covered in painful, itchy blisters and scabs. After multiple visits to healthcare professionals, I finally received a diagnosis that clarified my disconcerting symptoms: shingles.
Typically, shingles affects older individuals or those with weakened immune systems, but it can also strike younger people under severe stress and sleep deprivation—both of which had been my constant companions for months, if not years. Contracting shingles served as a harsh wake-up call.
Last year was a blend of immense joy and considerable struggle. In January, my daughter was born, bringing light into our lives. She is a delightful child—full of energy, sweetness, and happiness. However, her early life has been fraught with challenges that required my unwavering support. From dealing with tongue and lip ties to dairy intolerance, reflux, and various other health issues, I have navigated an endless stream of medical appointments. All while striving to maintain my bond with my three-year-old son.
Having a partner who shares responsibilities has been invaluable, yet I find myself utterly exhausted. I’ve been in “survival mode” since my first child arrived in 2016. While these experiences are common in parenthood, I am reaching my limit. Each day feels like a repetitive cycle, and I’m increasingly disconnected from myself. I can hardly recall what I enjoyed prior to becoming a mother. The solitude is overwhelming, leaving me unsure of whom I can confide in, or even what to discuss.
Neglecting my own physical and emotional needs has left me feeling fragile and has undoubtedly affected my family. While I try to shield my children from my struggles, I fear I can’t keep it up much longer. My husband senses the strain; I’m sure he shares similar feelings, but perhaps he is managing better than I am.
Therefore, I am declaring 2020 as a year of personal growth and self-discovery. It’s time to reconnect with what grounds me and nurtures my spirit, so I can rediscover my inner strength. My light is dim, and I’m determined to reignite it.
Additionally, I am committed to embracing exploration this year. Rather than adhering to a rigid list of goals, I will allow my heart to guide me toward what lifts my spirits. I will follow the path where my light shines the brightest. This journey is crucial not only for me but for my family as well.
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In summary, the unexpected challenge of shingles forced me to confront my own needs and prioritize my well-being. As I embark on this journey of self-reconnection, I hope to not only heal myself but also nurture my family in a more meaningful way.