My partner has been dealing with a chronic health issue since last June. We hoped it would resolve itself, but unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case. He’s in constant pain, which varies from being somewhat manageable to utterly debilitating. This has a ripple effect on our household. His irritability sometimes spills over, and he finds himself snapping at me, the kids, and even the dogs. It’s hard to hold it against him; his discomfort is relentless and nothing seems to alleviate it—not rest, not medication, nothing at all.
As a full-time stay-at-home parent and the one homeschooling our kids, our home often resembles a disaster zone, leaving us feeling guilty and more isolated. Financial stress compounds our struggles, leading to tense arguments. Like many families, we face these challenges head-on, day after day.
Throw into the mix two sons whose ADHD seems to be getting worse, a daughter on the cusp of her tween years, and the everyday negotiations over screen time and chores, and our situation becomes even more daunting.
The truth is, our friends have no clue about what we are going through. We keep it to ourselves, not knowing how to express our struggles. As Tolstoy wisely noted, “All happy families are alike, and each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” While I wouldn’t label our family as unhappy, we certainly aren’t thriving. It’s a tough time for us—just like it is for countless other families navigating their own difficulties. The challenge lies in how to convey this to those around us.
Reaching out seems like a sensible idea that could lighten our load, but I don’t have many friends left nearby after so many have moved away. My time is consumed by trying to manage my responsibilities—balancing work, household duties, and caring for the kids while my partner is unwell. Making new connections feels impossible when I lack the energy and time to invest in them.
How can we forge new friendships when we’re battling so much? Just the other day, a fellow mom expressed her frustration about her parents wanting to take her child to Disney. Meanwhile, I struggle to navigate the clutter in my living room, and some days we rely on frozen meals because we’re too exhausted to cook.
The idea of reaching out brings up many questions. What do I say? How do I start? I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining. Sure, we have food on the table, the kids are healthy, and our bills are paid. But underneath it all, the burden of our struggles weighs heavy, eroding my mental and emotional well-being. Some days, I just want to hide away and cry. The noise of everyday life becomes overwhelming, and I find myself longing for quiet.
If I share our struggles, what am I truly seeking? Will it change anything? My friends can’t alleviate my husband’s chronic pain, nor can they fix our financial situation. There’s a fear of being perceived as whiny or seeking attention, which often keeps us silent. We listen rather than speak, hesitant to share our own stories, even when we know others might relate.
Once, my partner asked me what kind of help I would like. I opened my mouth, then closed it again. Finally, I blurted out, “Anything.” It’s a huge, all-consuming struggle, yet feels so ordinary. Who am I to ask for help? It’s not like we’re dealing with a life-threatening situation or have just had a baby. What would someone even do—bring me a pity casserole? Offer to tidy up? Watch the kids? I wouldn’t refuse, but it wouldn’t fix everything.
Still, perhaps talking about our challenges could help lessen the isolation. We could say, “Things are tough for us right now.” Maybe sharing would encourage others to open up about their own struggles. It’s time to move beyond the curated versions of our lives we present on social media and embrace the reality of our experiences. Friends who support us during tough times are the ones we cherish the most.
So here’s my plea: Hello, world. Life is hard for us right now.
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In summary, sharing our struggles can be daunting, but it’s a necessary step towards connection and understanding. By being open about our challenges, we can foster deeper relationships and find support in the community.