“Do you have your diplomatic passport and your regular passport?” I inquired the night before my son’s departure.
“Mo-om,” my 15-year-old sighed, rolling his eyes. “I’ve done this before, remember?”
This morning, he was set to leave Moscow, our home, and fly to Romania with his baseball team, all without me.
He’s right; he has traveled internationally since the sixth grade. He’s visited numerous places, from Dubai to Singapore, without my guidance to handle his passports or find restrooms. While I know he’s capable of managing these things, it’s difficult to accept that my little boy is on his own in the world.
My first flight was at age 20 when I embarked on a semester abroad. Back then, security allowed my parents to accompany me to the gate at Los Angeles International Airport, waving goodbye as I boarded. My son, the eldest of four, has had a different upbringing. As a diplomat’s child, he carries two passports: one for international use and another for trips back to the U.S. He boarded a plane for the first time at just five weeks old and has visited more countries than I can count—maybe 15 or even 20. Still, the thought of him flying alone unsettles me, shattering my illusion of being able to keep him safe.
Diplomat kids develop unique skills. They quickly learn to interpret body language, a necessity when frequently changing schools and making friends from diverse backgrounds. They understand the world in ways that many American kids may not. My children can locate Palestine on a map and articulate why it might be absent from others. They navigate the Moscow subway independently and confidently order falafel in Arabic in Amman or Jerusalem. I admire their abilities, even as I—less adventurous—worry.
Yet, there are things they miss out on. They can’t mark their height on a wall year after year. They can’t name a best friend they’ve known for a decade, as friendships often fade with each summer rotation. Sleepovers with grandparents and cousins are a rarity, and outdoor activities like skateboarding are often limited due to safety concerns at our posts.
As I watch my children grow, I wonder if this life is worth it. They’ve walked the Great Wall of China, splashed in the Mediterranean, and gazed at the Hagia Sophia’s stunning ceiling. They’ve met influential figures and experienced incredible adventures. But they’ve also faced harsh realities: the anxiety of embassy alarms, the heartache of saying goodbye to friends, and the fear when their father, a special agent with the State Department’s Diplomatic Security Service, had to confront an intruder. They’ve dealt with schoolmates who challenged their American identity and have worried about their dad’s safety on dangerous missions.
Is this trade-off truly worthwhile? When they grow older, will they cherish these experiences, or will they lament missing out on a typical childhood? It’s impossible to predict. I see that I am nurturing intelligent, self-assured children who will flourish in complex, multicultural environments—kids who think nothing of traveling to Kuwait for baseball. But I also recognize the scars they bear, the nightmares that haunt them about losing their dad to violence, and the burdens they carry from a young age.
Now, my firstborn is leaving. Just 15 years old, and he’s heading off without me, far away from my protective reach. It feels like our life in the Foreign Service has rendered me somewhat unnecessary. Not long ago, he was a toddler, dragging a Thomas the Tank Engine suitcase behind him. Today, he packed for himself and confidently walked out the door to the airport.
I was pacing the empty house when my phone buzzed with a text.
“Mom,” it read, “I forgot. Do I use my diplomatic passport or my regular one?”
It seems he still needs me after all.
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Summary
Raising a child in the Foreign Service presents unique challenges and rewards. While these children gain experiences that many can only dream of, they also face hardships that shape their childhoods. Balancing adventure with the realities of a transient lifestyle can be complex, leaving parents to wonder about the long-term effects on their children. Yet, moments of connection remind us of the vital role we play in their lives.