Originally published in 1963 by Helen Andelin, Fascinating Womanhood is a book that has sparked diverse opinions over the years. Rooted in a series of booklets from the 1920s and ’30s, it has sold over two million copies. Depending on one’s perspective on feminism, Fascinating Womanhood is often viewed as a guide to traditional female roles or as a catalyst for feminist thought, even among those who might prefer to stick to baking cakes during a revolution.
One of the most discussed aspects of the book is the list of dos and don’ts for women, which is frequently circulated on the internet and analyzed in women’s studies courses. While some women may find this guidance helpful, I personally do not. In fact, it promotes a hierarchy that favors male dominance rather than encouraging equality and partnership in marriage. Some of these ideas can be just as demeaning to men as they are to women. So, let’s go through this list, modernizing it from the perspective of a 21st-century husband.
The Don’ts
Don’t try to change him.
Actually, do! It’s crucial for both partners to inspire each other to grow. Marriage involves change; your spouse will evolve, and it’s your responsibility to support positive transformations while gently addressing the less favorable ones. If you think you’re marrying a static individual, you’re mistaken. Change is part of the journey.
Don’t show indifference, contempt, or ridicule toward his masculine abilities, achievements, or ideas.
Why should only masculine ideas get your unwavering support? Masculinity doesn’t automatically make a man’s ideas superior. Instead, let’s celebrate shared interests while respecting each other’s unique passions. I suggest we reframe this to “support each other’s shared interests and aspirations.”
Don’t try to excel him in anything that requires masculine ability.
Absolutely not! If you want to engage in activities traditionally seen as masculine—like drag racing or bear wrestling—go for it! Your husband should embrace your ambitions. There’s no monopoly on abilities based on gender.
Don’t let the outside world crowd you for time to do your homemaking tasks well.
Is the expectation here that homemaking should be a woman’s primary duty? In today’s world, many households with children have mothers as their primary earners. It’s essential that homemaking and financial responsibilities are shared equally. If a woman wants to step outside the home to pursue her dreams, that’s beneficial for the whole family.
Don’t have a lot of preconceived ideas of what you want out of life.
Chase your dreams! It’s essential to adapt and evolve your goals over time. Work together with your partner to turn those dreams into reality.
Don’t stand in the way of his decisions or his law.
But what if those decisions are misguided? It’s critical to communicate openly in marriage. If either partner is making poor choices, it’s important to address that.
The Dos
Accept him at face value.
Trust is essential, but it’s also important to communicate openly about any concerns. Today’s technology allows for easy dialogue.
Admire his manliness.
Compliments are great, but let’s appreciate each other for who we are, not just for our gender roles.
Recognize his superior strength and ability.
Please don’t. Until he can experience childbirth, let’s celebrate our individual strengths equally. In a partnership, no one is superior.
Be a Domestic Goddess.
Good luck with that. Instead, focus on discussing your goals and aspirations as a couple and support each other in achieving them.
Revere your husband and honor his right to rule you and your children.
Absolutely not! No one should “rule” anyone in a marriage. Let’s rephrase this to “revere each other and work together to create a loving, supportive home.”
As a father and husband, I can confidently say that while these guidelines may have made sense in 1963, they are outdated today. We live in an age that values egalitarian partnerships, where responsibilities and strengths are shared. This approach fosters a beautiful relationship built on mutual respect and love.
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Summary
In conclusion, the dos and don’ts outlined in Fascinating Womanhood reflect a bygone era. Today’s marriages should prioritize equality, mutual respect, and shared responsibilities to thrive.