When I venture into public restrooms, it often takes several attempts to locate a toilet seat free from unsightly splatters. Trust me, this is not a pleasant experience. While I acknowledge that toilet seat cleanliness may not rank alongside global crises, it’s an annoyance that shouldn’t be regularly faced. Ladies, we deserve better than this! My mother always said that if you’re going to complain, you should also present a solution, so here I am.
Consider this: Why not simply sit down on public toilets? Radical idea, right? (I’m specifically addressing the squatters out there!)
I completely understand the anxiety that comes with letting your thighs—even part of your backside—come into contact with a surface that has been occupied by other strangers. That feeling is less than appealing. No one wants to exchange dead skin cells, particularly not from our behinds.
I also empathize with the dread of potentially sitting in someone else’s urine. Truly, there is a special place in the afterlife for those who are cruel to animals and those who force others to sit in a puddle of someone else’s bodily fluids repeatedly.
If you’re one of those who prefers to squat, I get it. But if you’re doing so to avoid contact with the toilet seat, you’re not part of the solution; you’re, in fact, the very problem.
Your squatting is ruining the experience for everyone else. When you choose to squat, you inadvertently contribute to the very mess you’re trying to avoid. Women’s anatomy doesn’t lend itself to precision when squatting, which is why toilet seats exist in the first place. Unlike men, who have a direct line of fire, our pee can go awry, potentially hitting clothes, shoes, and yes, even the toilet seat itself.
Moreover, squatting is a form of exercise. Do we really want to mix fitness with filth? And trying to do a number two while squatting? That’s a whole other level of discomfort I don’t wish to delve into right now.
Dear squatters, if you find a clean toilet seat and still decide to squat, you’re effectively ruining the chance for the next person to enjoy a clean, hygienic experience for the rest of the day or until the cleaning crew comes in. While I understand it’s their duty to clean, must we really make their job even more unpleasant out of fear of sitting on the toilet? Come on, ladies!
When you choose to squat, those who follow you are left to deal with your mess. They either have to find another stall, clean up after you, or adopt the same squatting technique. None of these options are appealing.
This is why we, as a collective, need to agree to simply sit down. And I mean all of us, together. It’s like herd immunity for public restrooms! Let’s also commit to keeping our bodies clean, shall we? Knowing that we can rely on each other to maintain cleanliness will make it easier to take the plunge. If we all agree to sit down—after all, that’s the purpose of the toilet—we can avoid the anxiety of sitting in someone else’s mess or making a mess ourselves. It’s a win-win situation where no one has to deal with unpleasantness. This is what feminine solidarity looks like!
So, what do you say, squatters? Let’s come to a consensus quickly; my child is in desperate need of a restroom!
P.S. It goes without saying that this solution does not extend to porta-potties. In those cases, sitting is simply not an option.
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In summary, let’s unite in our approach to public toilets, advocating for a cleaner experience for all. By choosing to sit rather than squat, we can eliminate unnecessary mess and discomfort, promoting hygiene and comfort in public restrooms.