Boys will be boys, and this simple phrase rings true. Boys and girls differ significantly in their physical, psychological, and even spiritual aspects. The essence of a young boy is characterized by an intense urge to explore, create, break, engage in play fighting, and express affection. My son, a delightful little companion who loves to cuddle, often surprises me with thoughtful gifts like pine cones and is quick to comfort me when I’m down. He embodies the spirit of a gentleman.
Yet, he is also a rambunctious little boy, eager to engage in activities that involve sticks, rocks, splashing water, and playful roughhousing. His energy can be loud, and at times, even his dinosaur roars can startle younger children nearby. I’ve noticed the way others perceive his behavior, often casting us as if we’ve escaped from some chaotic realm to disrupt their well-behaved children, most of whom tend to be girls. Comparing boys to girls is futile—like comparing an orange to a shoe. It simply doesn’t make sense.
I understand that discussions about gender differences can be contentious, and I acknowledge that there can be nuances. However, in many instances, there is a clear distinction. One of the most surprising aspects of parenting has been the frequent apologies I find myself making for my son’s natural behavior.
I can imagine a mother reading this with a sensitive, cautious boy, possibly rolling her eyes and dismissing the idea of inherent gender differences. I once shared those beliefs, and I know that some parents of daughters might think that if I were more skilled at guiding my son, his behavior would be different. I’ve questioned the nature of boyhood myself.
Having been a girl who wasn’t particularly rough, I was often introspective and shy. I can’t recall a moment from my childhood where I hit anyone. So, I would watch my son with disbelief as he engaged in rough play, sometimes hitting others in the process. Understanding why people view us with concern has been a challenge.
A significant part of this dilemma stems from society’s discomfort with unstructured play and physical interaction. Children often thrive in environments where they can explore freely, rather than being kept at arm’s length from one another. It’s just as natural for my son to be boisterous as it is for quieter children to exist. Every child is unique.
Two summers ago, we attended a sand and water party at a friend’s house. I was excited for my then two-year-old son to enjoy himself. While one little girl meticulously built sandcastles and organized her toys, my son found joy in sitting in a water bucket, covering himself in sand. The host was visibly taken aback, questioning whether I wanted him to play that way. I looked at my son, radiating joy, and replied, “Yes, that’s exactly what I want for him. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him.” Despite acknowledging my son’s happiness, the host expressed frustration over the clean-up.
This experience made me wonder if adults often view rough play as an inconvenience. While it can be messy, and some supervision is necessary, we must ask ourselves whether we restrict children based on genuine beliefs about appropriate behavior or simply because it disrupts our adult routines. My academic background in Gender Studies and Child Development makes me worry that our boys are suffering, as their nature compels them to be energetic and messy. Girls, too, exhibit such behaviors, yet they often receive more leniency for rowdiness because it’s deemed outside their norm.
When we say “Hands off!” or “Settle down!” to boys, we inadvertently suppress their innate tendencies. If they are reprimanded for engaging in playful roughhousing, we send a message that their natural inclinations are wrong. While addressing bullying is crucial, understanding the difference between rough play and bullying is equally important. Rough and tumble play is vital for a child’s development, and I firmly believe we need to encourage more of it.
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In summary, it’s essential to embrace the natural tendencies of boys and recognize that rough play is a crucial aspect of their development. We must champion the idea that children, regardless of gender, thrive in environments that allow them to play freely and express themselves.