My Dearest Lily,
Today is your birthday, and each year I find myself marveling at how swiftly you’re maturing. As we celebrate, there are depths to our mother-daughter bond that you won’t fully grasp until you have children of your own. Tonight, I experienced one of those feelings for the first time.
In anticipation of your special day, I meticulously planned a small celebration. I gathered all the ingredients for your favorite dishes and jotted down every color of icing you desired for your cupcakes. We were excited about baking your birthday cake together and indulging in pineapple pizza until we could hardly move.
Like countless moms, I wear many hats, one of which is being a dedicated professional. My career is my passion. Just as I organized your birthday festivities, I also plan my workdays with intention. I invest my energy into my job as fervently as I do for our family. During my lunch breaks, I run errands and eagerly anticipate the joy on your face each evening as I leave the office.
I take pride in balancing my roles as a career woman and a mother. I fiercely believe women deserve the same respect in the workplace as men do. I want to create a world for you where professional equality is the standard. I hope you understand that it’s perfectly acceptable to have an identity beyond being “Mom.” If you choose to have a family, I want you to pursue your passions outside of it as well. When people ask about your career, I hope they don’t lead with, “How do you balance work and motherhood?”
However, I want to share a crucial truth with you. Despite my careful planning, I didn’t make it home in time to bake your cake or prepare that special pizza for dinner. Instead, we ordered pizza, and your cupcakes were topped with store-bought icing in just one color.
Even though I know you hardly noticed these minor setbacks, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt that I couldn’t shake. Guilt for being a mother who also chases her dreams.
In the quiet of my room, after you were sound asleep, I cried. I felt like I’d excelled in my career but had somehow fallen short as your mom on one of the most important days of the year. Maybe it’s the lingering societal expectation that mothers should be the primary caregivers, or perhaps it’s the emotional weight of having brought you into this world on this very day. Whatever the reason, it’s a feeling I know many women share, and I want you to understand that you’re not alone if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.
There are emotions you won’t comprehend until you become a parent. You’ll experience the tug-of-war between motherhood and your other aspirations. And during those moments of doubt, when you question whether you’ve been a good mother, remember that the very fact you care so deeply is what makes you a great mom.
I want you to embrace the idea that you can be both an exceptional mother and a passionate individual. You don’t have to choose one over the other, and you certainly shouldn’t be afraid to pursue your ambitions. As you navigate your own journey, I hope you find strength in the challenges you face. It’s important that you understand that the hardest moments often lead to the most significant growth.
There will be times when you doubt if it’s acceptable to have a life outside of motherhood. You might consider setting aside your dreams for the sake of being a “better” mom. But know this: your children will benefit from having a mother who is a role model, a woman who embraces her passions. Ultimately, being a good mom includes demonstrating what it means to be a strong, successful woman.
One day, when your own child approaches you with their dreams and struggles, I hope you can encourage them to keep moving forward—just as I strive to do, regardless of whether I missed out on four colors of cupcake icing last night.
With love and encouragement,
Mom