Why is it that your mind often drifts to scenarios where you mess up or fail to meet expectations—and somehow, it’s never truly your fault? Stop being so harsh on yourself. It’s a common struggle.
Actually, it’s not. You seem to fixate on the idea that everyone else is just as flawed as you, but only you have the guts to admit it. The truth is, others aren’t as bad as you think. You might even be worse. That’s precisely why you need to sit down and meditate for two and a half hours.
Oh, come on. You don’t have to go. No one is keeping track. You despise how some new-age enthusiasts cling to the idea that they can atone for their misdeeds through meditation, claiming they have some grand purpose, yet they never come clean about it. You’re no different.
Stop being so critical of yourself.
But if you’re not tough on yourself, will you just continue being insufferable forever?
Touché.
You aren’t wearing a bra. Is going braless a way to honor the cosmic darkness of the universe?
Ugh, look at that awful parking job. Is that person next to you laughing at it? Oh wait, it’s just that guy—he doesn’t care.
Oh no, there’s a warm-up session before this. Why do these intense women have to lead this? They need someone laid-back like you to take charge instead.
Just take your time setting up your blankets and mat—then you can skip this part. Okay, rolling your neck in circles isn’t too hard. You can manage that.
Oh great, everyone has their eyes shut. You can stop now.
Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru.
How much time has gone by? How many seconds does it take to complete one repetition of that mantra? Maybe if you figure that out, you can count and it’ll be less tedious. Do this for about half an hour, then you can lie down.
Oh, two people are already lying down. You can do that too! Oh wait—they’re kids. You can’t be the only adult lying down, aside from children.
About thirty minutes have passed. You could lie down for forty minutes and then get up for the last bit. No, you can’t.
Yes, you can get away with that.
Wow, you really fell asleep for a long while. Now you can go to the bathroom. Whoa. It’s 6:45! We’ll wrap up soon. If you sneak off to the bathroom and return to chant Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru a few more times, you could be home and asleep in no time. That’s incredible.
Stare at the clock intently; you’re probably just really tired. No, it’s definitely 6:45. This is fantastic. You weren’t even aware for a chunk of the meditation, but it wasn’t entirely your fault, so whatever. Amazing—you didn’t scold yourself for being lazy. Is that a sign of progress? Did the meditation already start to work?
Okay, at least fifteen minutes must have gone by. What’s up with these people? Are they planning to keep you here for eternity? You can lie down again, chant “Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru” ten more times, and then you’ll be done. You have to be. You saw the clock yourself. You’re probably just misjudging time because it’s dragging.
Someone just walked in. Oh my god, it’s Jenna. She said she’d arrive around 6:15, but it’s not 6:15. Don’t look at the clock.
Oh my God, it is 6:15.
Go chant again. You can do it. Yes, good job.
Another adult finally laid down. Oh great, she’s pregnant. Naturally, they can get away with anything. You must sit up. You have to. Okay, just lie down for one more second. But then you need to sit up and chant again. Just keep chanting—it’s not that bad. You can do it.
Just lie down for five minutes. Then, you can get up.
Did she just say “last one”? Sit up quickly—maybe no one will notice you were lying down this whole time.
“Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru.” You did it.
You didn’t do much. You were asleep the entire time.
Leave me alone. At least you made it here.
Is that enough? Just showing up?
It’ll have to be, since that’s pretty much all you ever accomplish.
Fair enough.
Summary
The inner dialogue during meditation reveals a mix of self-doubt, criticism, and the struggle to focus. The narrator grapples with feelings of inadequacy while trying to embrace the practice, questioning their commitment and ability to meditate. Amidst the chaos of thoughts, there’s a realization that simply showing up is an achievement, albeit a small one.
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