12 Of The Most Unusual Things I’ve Done As a Parent

At home insemination

Parenting is undeniably strange. To blend in with my household of delightful oddities, I’ve found myself engaging in some truly bizarre activities that my younger self would have never imagined. “Please get me out of this crazy funhouse,” I would’ve thought. Yet, we engage in these antics—often fueled by exhaustion—thinking that a public dinner outing with our less-than-pleasant dining companions might actually be a good idea. Spoiler alert: it rarely is.

Here are some of the odd things I’ve experienced as a parent:

1. I independently bought my children a slingshot, glitter pens, Play-Doh, a plastic sword, a rainbow loom, Legos, and stickers—no coercion involved.
2. I once held a toy elephant over the sink, pretending it was urinating, after telling my daughter that her plush toy couldn’t use the toilet.
3. I encouraged my children to express their opinions—why did I think that was a good idea?
4. I sang incorrect lyrics to popular songs, dancing like a circus performer to motivate my kid into doing something they were reluctant about, like “Let it go! Let it go! Let that poop come o-o-out!”
5. I intentionally gave gum to my three-year-old—what was I thinking?
6. I’ve been so exhausted that I searched my house for my phone, only to discover I was already on it.
7. I once accidentally tucked in one of my daughter’s stuffed animals, which spiraled into a chaotic bedtime routine.
8. I told my daughter that the mushroom she was eating was chicken, and laughed internally when she actually liked it.
9. I’ve been so astounded by the size of one of my child’s bowel movements that I called my spouse in to witness it—more than once!
10. In a moment of weakness, I allowed my children to choose anything they wanted from the bookstore, which was a decision I quickly regretted.
11. We’ve fostered independence in our children, but now they think they can tackle everything alone—and they’re doing it ALL WRONG.
12. I’ve administered a suppository to someone else. Yes, really.

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In summary, parenting often leads to quirky and unexpected moments that can be both amusing and bewildering. We do our best to navigate through the chaos, embracing the oddities that come with raising children.