- Urgency. It’s a chilly, dim Sunday afternoon, and hunger pangs are hitting hard. The fridge is empty, but the local bar has a lively gypsy jazz band. With decor reminiscent of 1890s saloons and bartenders dressed like notorious outlaws, it’s hard to resist. Their $16 hamburgers are surprisingly tasty, and they even have a few high chairs, which suggests they don’t entirely shun families. Plus, you can’t wait to try the cocktail called “Lozenge,” which has a delightful grape soda flavor.
- Hopefulness. The bar is bustling with children. Notably, actors Emily and Jack are hosting a kids’ party in the back section. Other parents are sipping their Dark and Stormys, enjoying the music while their kids remain calm—surely yours will be just as well-behaved, right?
- Realization of Chaos. Your child is 15 months old, the toughest age for dining out. Before 15 months, they’re easy to manage in a car seat, and after, they can be distracted with a phone. But at this age, they’re mobile and obstinate, making it feel like you’re trying to contain a squirming, noisy piglet.
- Gradual Exhaustion. This surprisingly robust little one is now attempting to scale your head to reach the wall sconce. He’s about to fling the candle, sending hot wax flying into your hair. The people in the booth behind you are trying to mask their discomfort; you buy them a cocktail named “Dramamine” as a peace offering and grab one for yourself too.
- Awkwardness. Your older child, previously glued to the screen watching Frozen, suddenly announces, “Mommy, I’m a superhero.” You respond distractedly, “That’s wonderful!” “Do you want to know my superpower?” he asks. “Um, sure,” you manage as you try to remove wax from your hair. “It’s stinking,” he declares, and you quickly bury your face in your drink, hoping no one else overhears.
- Self-Reflection. What made you think this outing was a good idea? You should have opted for takeout. At home, you have all the necessary baby gear, including a high chair that resembles something out of a horror film.
- Acceptance. The baby is now in his high chair, extending sticky fingers toward anyone passing by. He grabs at jeans pockets and apron strings, even managing to snag someone’s wallet attached to a chain. You buy that individual a cocktail and treat yourself to another round.
- Dizziness. You haven’t felt this tipsy and frantic for food since your younger years, stumbling into late-night falafel spots. When the food arrives, you tear into a hamburger with your hands for the kids and finish your meal in under four minutes.
- Desperation Returns. The bill arrives, and the server places it right in front of the high chair. The baby snatches it and tosses it into the next booth, thinking it’s a trash bin. You gather the kids, strollers, bags, and coats, attempting to regain your composure on the sidewalk. The bar’s decor seems to watch you with a mix of pity and relief as you step outside. It’s only 4:45 PM—just three hours until bedtime. Perhaps ice cream is in order?
In summary, dining out with little ones can be a chaotic yet entertaining experience, filled with unexpected moments and challenges. For tips on fertility and parenting, check out resources like Progyny and The Facts About Weight and Fertility. If you’re considering starting a family, you might also find our post on fertility boosters for men helpful.