When someone asks how I’m doing, my go-to reply is, “I can’t complain.” And honestly, I really can’t. We have a secure home, food to eat, a loving partner, and healthy kids. My goal is to focus on gratitude rather than negativity.
Recently, I’ve noticed that complaining has become a common form of interaction—a way to bond over shared grievances. We find ourselves grumbling about the weather, long grocery lines, slow service at restaurants, the never-ending carpool, mountains of laundry, and too much homework for the kids. I’m just as guilty of this as anyone else. I often find myself lamenting the oppressive heat or wishing I could shed a few pounds (while still enjoying my wine and carbs). I even complain about the exhausting forty-five-minute drive during rush hour to take my son to hockey practice.
While it’s common to have a little pity party from time to time, I’ve made an effort lately to curb my complaints. Before I let another negative word slip, I try to recall my friend, Sarah.
Remembering Sarah
I met Sarah in seventh grade. She was exceptionally bright, particularly in English and History. Always kind, soft-spoken, and funny, Sarah stood out among our peers. After high school, she attended Trinity College and eventually returned to teach English at our middle and high school. She had three boys and actively engaged with our graduating class during reunions. Tragically, during her third pregnancy, she was diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer. A couple of years later, at just 39, she was gone, leaving behind a two-year-old son.
The last time I saw Sarah was at a birthday party for a mutual friend’s child. It was June, and she was there with her boys. At that moment, her cancer was in remission, and she radiated positivity, fully engaged with her family. She had a remarkable ability to listen and connect with people. But by October, her cancer had returned with a vengeance, and by Thanksgiving, she was no longer with us.
Whenever I’m having a particularly rough day—when everything annoys me, and I feel the urge to complain—I think of Sarah. Standing at the sink, scrubbing dishes, I remind myself that she would give anything to be in my shoes, doing something so mundane. When the alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. on a school day, and I’m exhausted, I remember that she would gladly trade places with me just to wake up her kids again. And during those long car rides filled with traffic, I reflect on how fortunate I am to be part of these seemingly trivial moments.
I’m striving to be more conscious of my words and to engage in more positive conversations by highlighting the good instead of focusing on the negatives. Changing this habit is challenging, but it’s a conscious choice I’m making.
Living the Dream
This reminds me of a dad I see at my son’s hockey practices. Whenever I greet him and ask how he’s doing, his consistent reply is, “Living the dream!” He says it with a hint of humor, but he’s spot on—we are living the life that Sarah and so many others could only dream of. So, the next time someone asks how I’m doing, I hope to respond with, “Living the dream! I can’t complain at all.”
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In summary, instead of falling into the cycle of complaining, I’m making a conscious effort to acknowledge my blessings and appreciate the everyday moments of life. With this mindset shift, I hope to inspire others to do the same.