Five years ago, I found myself on my therapist’s couch, overwhelmed and feeling as though I was sinking. “I feel like I’m paddling as hard as I can, yet I’m still going under,” I confided to her. At that time, I was managing four children, each attending different schools. This entailed attending four back-to-school nights, coordinating four sets of parent-teacher conferences, and juggling four distinct drop-off and pick-up schedules. To add to the chaos, I had just begun a full-time job working from home, all while navigating a particularly stressful divorce. Just wonderful.
I was probably a sight to behold, perched on her loveseat in yoga pants, clutching a throw pillow as I spilled my heart out. In her calm and reassuring tone—one she often used when quoting poets like Goethe and Rumi—my therapist proposed that I create a chart to visualize how my life would change over the next five years. “You need to recognize that your life will become significantly easier,” she said soothingly.
Because I tend to follow her advice, I went home and worked on that chart. It revealed that in five years, one child would be heading off to college, shortly followed by another. My third child would be a high school freshman, and my youngest would finally transition to middle school, which was conveniently within walking distance. By the end of those five years, I envisioned having three kids with driver’s licenses and my youngest turning almost twelve. It looked promising, albeit distant.
Fast forward to today, and here I am—life is so easy it’s bordering on ridiculous. I didn’t even have to cook dinner last night. My daughter is now a high school senior, often busy with her jobs or out with friends, while my youngest is occupied with sports several days a week. So, it’s mostly just me and my cat hanging out at home.
Reflecting on those five years, it’s astonishing how much has changed. Back then, I was logging 60-hour workweeks, managing college applications, grocery shopping, and laundry, while trying to support one of my children through tough times. Now, I’m sipping wine and binge-watching Scandal.
But here’s the paradox: It’s only going to get more intense. In five years, the only one I might be caring for will be my cat, if she’s still alive. I’ll likely have three college graduates (if all goes well), and my youngest will be a high school junior, already driving. To think my oldest will be turning 27 is mind-boggling.
Unlike five years ago, when envisioning the future brought me relief, looking ahead now fills me with nostalgia. I find myself yearning for the past. Not that I wish to relive the chaos of having three teenagers in the house—those days were a whirlwind. But for a long time, it felt like an endless cycle of parenting. I thought I would always be in the throes of wiping faces and running errands. And now, just like that, it’s over.
It’s a cliché, but time truly flies. One moment I was pouring Cheerios into a high chair, and the next, I’m lounging on the couch, watching Scandal instead of preparing dinner.
To all the moms out there feeling the weight of their children’s antics, I understand. The whining about bedtime and the declarations of how you’re the “worst mom ever” can be overwhelming. You might be wishing for the day when they grow up and move out. But believe me, there will come a time when you’ll miss those days. You’ll long for the moments when they asked you to take them to Toys R Us or Game Stop. You’ll yearn for the chaotic dinners, where they’d complain about your cooking or sneak half-eaten food into their napkins. Trust me on this one.
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Summary:
Reflecting on the transformation of parenting over five years, the journey from chaos to ease is both surprising and bittersweet. As children grow, it’s important to cherish every moment, even the challenging ones, as they will eventually be missed.