It might seem straightforward, but acknowledging others’ feelings rather than contradicting them can be surprisingly challenging. Before I made a conscious effort to change, I often dismissed what others expressed. Phrases like, “You always enjoy our outings,” or “You should be excited about this news,” slipped out without a second thought.
Just yesterday, I faced an opportunity to practice this newfound approach during a minor conflict that could have escalated. We’ve been hit with a significant amount of snow lately, and my younger daughter wanted to wear her sneakers to school while I insisted on her snow boots. Why is it that kids resist appropriate clothing? Sensing her impending frustration, I refrained from countering her objections with contradictions like, “The boots are fine,” or “You’ve worn them before.” Instead, our exchange went like this:
Her: “I don’t want to wear those boots. They’re uncomfortable.”
Me: “I understand. It’s wet and snowy, so you need to wear the boots, but I see you’d prefer not to.”
Her: “I want to wear my sneakers.”
Me: “You’d rather wear your sneakers.”
Her: “I don’t want to carry my sneakers in a bag; I want to wear them.”
Me: “It seems like you really don’t feel like putting on these boots today! They might not be comfy for the long walk to school.”
To my surprise, she calmly slipped on the boots. When people ignore or invalidate my feelings, I often find myself repeating my concerns, feeling unheard. Experts suggest that suppressing negative emotions amplifies them; by acknowledging these feelings, we pave the way for positivity to re-emerge. This was evident in my interaction with my daughter, and it left me feeling more composed and understanding.
This principle also extends to adult relationships. Recently, I tackled a significant project around the house, admittedly without much grace. My husband, aware of my underlying frustration, made a comment about the task, saying, “This doesn’t seem too tough.” Unfortunately, this did not comfort me; instead, it sparked irritation. A more effective response would have been acknowledging my challenging feelings: “Wow, this looks like a big job, and it’s great that you’re taking it on.” A few compliments never hurt either!
I’ve noticed that when my feelings are disregarded, I tend to repeat my grievances—like discussing my email frustrations—until I hear a sympathetic acknowledgment like, “That sounds really frustrating.” It’s crucial to validate feelings, whether in parenting or adult interactions.
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In summary, recognizing and validating feelings—whether they’re good or bad—can foster happier interactions, both with children and adults. The simple act of acknowledgment creates a sense of understanding and connection, ultimately leading to a more harmonious environment.