95 Indicators That You’re Prepared to Welcome Your Baby

At home insemination

As your pregnancy progresses, you might start contemplating how to recognize the signs that labor is imminent. Here’s a lighthearted look at 95 unmistakable indicators that you’re ready to meet your little one:

1. Your doctor confirmed your pregnancy nearly ten months ago.
2. Friends and family keep asking, “HAVE YOU HAD THAT BABY YET?”
3. You frequently update your social media to clarify, “No, I haven’t given birth yet.”
4. Sleeping comfortably is a distant memory, even with an arsenal of pillows, including that overpriced one from Bed, Bath and Beyond that didn’t work.
5. You find yourself visiting the restroom approximately 198 times daily.
6. Strangers feel entitled to touch your belly without permission.
7. You picked up a fantastic book but can’t seem to focus on it.
8. You still haven’t settled on a name for your baby.
9. Your mom is staying with you, eager for labor to start, but instead critiques your spice cabinet organization.
10. You just put down a hefty, non-refundable deposit for a BABYMOON.
11. You’re feeling emotional about missing out on that dream BABYMOON.
12. You have a condition known as THE BLOODY SHOW—best expressed with jazz hands.
13. Nightmares about giving birth to a fully grown celebrity plague your sleep.
14. You’re startled awake by dreams involving unexpected celebrity encounters.
15. Despite your disdain for pop stars, you find yourself singing their songs to your pets.
16. Relatives inquire if you plan to name your child after a family member.
17. You rely on strangers to tie your shoelaces.
18. You’re vocalizing your exhaustion with pregnancy.
19. The thought of prenatal yoga has lost its appeal.
20. You suddenly feel the urge to paint the nursery immediately.
21. You’re googling how many onesies you should have ready.
22. Doubts about circumcision surface and start to cause anxiety.
23. You worry about gender pay gaps affecting your daughter in the future.
24. You have a hair appointment scheduled but still haven’t packed your hospital bag.
25. Your doctor hints that labor is on the horizon.
26. You’re stuck in traffic on a scorching day.
27. You realize you’ll have to teach your child the basics of bodily functions.
28. You fear you’ll go into labor during a friend’s barbecue.
29. A sibling’s injury takes precedence over your labor.
30. Cashiers at your local store comment on your impending motherhood.
31. Special days like anniversaries will now forever coincide with your child’s birthday.
32. Your pantry holds nothing appetizing at the moment.
33. You’re torn between cloth and disposable diapers.
34. You’re unsure whether to breastfeed or bottle-feed.
35. The decision about attachment parenting versus independence is weighing heavily on you.
36. You haven’t decided where your baby will sleep, but your cat looks cozy in the co-sleeper.
37. Heartburn has become your constant companion.
38. Your favorite leggings have developed an unfortunate tear.
39. Tearful moments arise from sentimental commercials and dramatic TV scenes.
40. Others share their negative childbirth experiences, adding to your anxiety.
41. All you crave is a Chocolate Frosty from Wendy’s, but nobody is catching your hints.
42. You’re unsure if your water has broken or if it’s just a bladder issue.
43. Persistent back pain becomes your new normal.
44. You find yourself rushing to the hospital only to learn it was false contractions.
45. Your doctor announces a vacation coming up.
46. Friends are leaving you voicemails asking about your baby’s arrival.
47. Your walk is more of a waddle at this point.
48. While assembling the crib, you discover essential screws are missing.
49. You’re googling the safety of wine consumption in late pregnancy.
50. You shoot daggers at anyone drinking around you.
51. You stress over past cold medications potentially affecting your baby.
52. You toss magazines across the room after reading about celebrity post-baby bodies.
53. The magazine remains on the floor because you can’t bend down to pick it up.
54. You fantasize about burning all the empire waist maternity clothes you own.
55. Fatigue is a constant, except during those 3 a.m. bathroom runs.
56. You’re looking up methods to induce labor.
57. Labor-inducing meals are on your mind.
58. You’re considering if natural labor is in your future.
59. An appliance breaking adds to your list of worries.
60. Neighbors holler their encouragement from a distance.
61. You make jokes about your body changes to lighten the mood.
62. Your breasts feel like they weigh a ton.
63. Car rides become an uncomfortable ordeal.
64. You promise yourself your child won’t watch TV at a young age.
65. You’re convinced a push present is necessary.
66. You can’t decide if it should be a charm bracelet or just a burger.
67. You start laughing at the concept of pregnancy-themed adult content.
68. A friend announces their baby name, and it’s the one you secretly wanted.
69. Laughing results in a little accident.
70. You can’t help but admire those tiny socks.
71. Your bathtub seems inadequate for relaxation.
72. You become frustrated when you find a perfect bathtub online that you can’t have.
73. No one brings you greasy fries, and it’s infuriating.
74. Lamaze techniques have faded from memory.
75. You feel like you can’t endure another day of pregnancy.
76. A relative shares their horror stories about labor with you.
77. The thought of sharing a recovery room with strangers terrifies you.
78. You realize you haven’t purchased a car seat yet.
79. The proper installation of said car seat eludes you.
80. A barista gives you judgmental looks for ordering caffeine—ignoring your pregnancy.
81. Pets seem to have an affinity for your belly.
82. It feels like pregnancy will last forever.
83. You sit down to enjoy a meal when contractions begin.
84. Contractions come and go in false alarms.
85. They start just as you finally drift off to sleep.
86. Labor begins when your partner is miles away on a trip.
87. Your water breaks in the snack aisle at Target.

This lighthearted exploration of the final stages of pregnancy captures the mix of excitement and anxiety you may feel as you approach labor. It’s a significant transition, and while it can be overwhelming, it’s also a time of immense joy and anticipation.

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