How to Triumph Over “My Most Infuriating Facebook Friend”

Lifestyle

1. If you’ve posted or commented about believing in chemtrails (those trails in the sky that most people refer to as contrails, which you assert are actually chemicals released by the government to manipulate our thoughts or create Prozac dependency), you are disqualified from this contest. Additionally, if you’ve shared articles from naturalnews.com, The Washington Times, or infowars.com, your entry will not be accepted. This is because being excessively irrational and bothersome gives you an unfair edge over those who are simply annoying. As Rumi wisely stated, “The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.”
2. If you’ve ever used a Rumi quote as a status update, you are also disqualified from this contest. This rule is in place to manage the number of participants. Again, as Rumi himself said, “The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.”
3. If you have ever claimed that vaccinations cause autism or shared “evidence” supporting this notion, you are not eligible for this contest (refer to Rule 1). However, if you merely commented that individuals who believe in the vaccination-autism link should be allowed to “share their truth,” you may enter.
4. If you’ve expressed gratitude over your mother’s cancer going into remission or that a truck speeding toward you at 65 mph swerved before impact, while you may enter, the likelihood of you being a strong contender is low given the serious nature of your gratitude. Conversely, if you’ve shared that you feel thankful for “yummy snacks” or that your mother’s cancer recurrence offers a great chance to address your “issues around impermanence,” then you should definitely enter. Bonus points of five will be awarded for using the hashtag #grateful with a photo of a field of lupines, provided it was posted prior to the announcement of this contest.
5. If you’ve changed your name, please list any previous names you’ve used on Facebook to ensure I don’t overlook any of your posts. For instance, if your earlier name was Pirate Fox, simply write “Pirate Fox” instead of illustrating a fox with a purple star-shaped eyepatch. Should you have altered your name more than 14 times in the last two years, or more than seven times in the previous four years, or more than three times throughout your entire life, please send a printed compilation of all your Facebook statuses and comments since you joined the platform via snail mail. Ensure that updates under each name are stapled separately, as a special prize awaits those whose name changes have made them more annoying.

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One last note: Feel free to enter if you’re “just taking a break from Facebook,” especially if your last status update stated “to be more present for my family, my partner, and myself.” Also, if you have taken the Buzzfeed quiz “Which Game of Thrones Character Are You?” please refrain from entering, as this may be used as a tiebreaker.

This article was originally published on November 16, 2014.

For more related insights, check out this blog post on home insemination kits at Cryobaby Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo. Additionally, for authoritative information, visit Young Mothers and the CDC’s ART Resource.

Summary:

This playful guide outlines the criteria for participating in the contest titled “My Most Infuriating Facebook Friend.” It humorously disqualifies individuals based on their Facebook behavior, including sharing conspiracy theories, quoting Rumi, and discussing vaccinations. The rules set a sarcastic tone while providing a unique perspective on social media interactions.