As I’ve skimmed through various “5 Creative Ways to Delight Your Partner” articles, I often find myself rolling my eyes instead of feeling motivated. Let me share how those suggestions might play out in my home…
Suggestion #1: Welcome him home in a playful outfit with an apron and heels.
What really happens: I manage to get the kids to bed early and don the only apron I can find that reads “I’m not aging; I’m marinating.” As for heels? Those haven’t touched my feet since before my first child. I find myself rummaging through boxes in the basement, donning just the apron. My four-year-old pops out of bed and exclaims, “Mommy, your butt is funny!” Fast forward to my husband coming home late to discover his “marinating” wife sprawled on the couch, munching on potato chips with mismatched heels.
Suggestion #2: Surprise him at his workplace wearing a trench coat.
What really happens: I head out looking like a summer detective, leaving my 20-year-old babysitter and 65-year-old neighbor confused. The kids shout, “Can we dress up too?” Upon reaching my husband’s office, the security guard insists on checking my bag for contraband. I turn crimson and head back to the minivan instead.
Suggestion #3: Send him a daring selfie.
What really happens: I contemplate the permanence of text messages as I lock myself in the bathroom, trying to strike seductive poses while ignoring the kids banging on the door. I just hope not to slip in the puddle of pee. I finally decide to spare him my face. Hours later, he texts back, “Did Charlie get another scrape? Looks bad.”
Suggestion #4: Cuddle up on the couch and declare your admiration.
What really happens: As I attempt to sit on his lap, my husband shifts over to make space. I finally say, “I’m trying to sit on you,” to which he replies, “Why? We have a whole couch.” Our two-year-old then hops onto daddy’s lap, followed by two more kids. I lean over and whisper, “You’re my hero,” into his ear. He scratches his head, responding with, “Huh?” before switching the Netflix to a superhero cartoon.
Suggestion #5: Plan a romantic dinner and share a cheeky secret.
What really happens: I contemplate his favorite restaurant, which might be the $3 pizza joint or the local fast-food place with a play area, but remember we’ll be kid-free. After the salad, I lean in and whisper, “I’m not wearing any underwear.” He grins and points out the spinach in my teeth, then asks, “Are we low on clean laundry?” After two glasses of wine, I’m likely to pass out before my head hits the pillow, right after changing into my comfy drawstring pajamas.
If you’re looking for more practical advice on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on female infertility. Also, for those interested in at-home options, you can find useful insights in our article about the at-home insemination kit. And for expert opinions on the subject, visit Sparkly Mama.
In summary, while the traditional romantic gestures can often lead to humorous situations, it’s the authenticity and humor in everyday life that truly delights our partners.