Every morning, I coax my children into their car seats as we embark on the journey to preschool and kindergarten, jamming to the latest Top 40 hits along the way. We tune into whatever’s playing, and as long as it has a lively beat and a catchy hook, we’re good to go. I don’t pay much attention to the lyrics; my kids are still young enough that they often miss the innuendos and get the words wrong. At home, our dance party playlist includes some suggestive favorites (like “Peacock” by Katy Perry and “I Love It” by Icona Pop), and there was even a time when I burned a CD for daycare without realizing I’d included the explicit versions. Definitely not my finest parenting moment.
While I generally overlook lyrics, I’ve been taken aback by one particular song climbing the charts that leaves me feeling uneasy every time I hear it—unfortunately, that seems to be quite often.
Gonna wear that dress you like, skin-tight
Do my hair up real, real nice
And syncopate my skin to your heart beating
‘Cause I just wanna look good for you, good for you
I just wanna look good for you, good for you
Let me show you how proud I am to be yours
Leave this dress a mess on the floor
And still look good for you, good for you
–“Good For You” by Lily Carter
How is it that I can brush off songs about partying and casual relationships, yet this one bothers me? The difference lies in the message. Other songs may not promote the best ideas, but at least they portray the singer as confident.
If I were to embody the singer, the line “I just want to look good for you” conveys several troubling notions:
- The effort I’m making is solely for someone else.
- My appearance matters significantly to you, and I’m willing to adjust to meet your expectations.
- My own thoughts on my appearance are secondary to your opinions—implying perhaps that I’m not enough as I am.
My daughter, at just 5 years old, will face an onslaught of messages regarding beauty, often unhealthy ones. She already enjoys dressing up in frilly outfits and pretending to be older, which I find acceptable as long as she retains her spirited nature. I love that she pairs her princess dresses and tiaras with messy hair, sticky lips, and the scrapes that come from outdoor play. As long as she views dressing up as fun, not as a societal expectation, I’m all for it.
In contrast, the song by Lily Carter promotes the idea of conforming to someone else’s standards. It portrays the singer as ornamental, placing immense value on external validation and undermining her self-worth. The repeated phrase “just wanna look good for you” suggests a belief that her own self-assessment is lacking.
This pervasive concept, which I only fully realized after hearing it come from my daughter’s innocent voice, is one I do not want my children to internalize. I’m not boycotting Lily Carter, and I understand her goal was likely to create a hit. My priority, however, is raising confident children who change their appearance only for themselves.
So, what’s the lesson? It’s crucial to recognize and challenge demoralizing messages and teach my kids to do the same. I want my daughter to understand that if she chooses to care about her appearance, it should be for her enjoyment, with any external appreciation being a bonus. I hope she will critically assess anyone, be it a friend or a romantic interest, who suggests she needs to change to be desirable. Similarly, I aspire for my son to grow into a man who values confidence, authenticity, and self-assuredness in women above all.
For more insights on self-confidence and parenting, check out our post on home insemination kits, which discusses how to approach family planning in a way that empowers you. Additionally, for those interested in fertility resources, visit UCSF’s IVF guide for comprehensive information.
In summary, we must be vigilant about the messages our children receive regarding self-worth and beauty. By fostering a sense of self-confidence, we can help them navigate societal pressures and embrace their true selves.