Updated: December 18, 2015
Originally Published: October 17, 2014
I find myself embracing the role of a helicopter parent, a position I hadn’t anticipated. My ideal parenting style would mirror that of my mother, who, during my childhood in the serene hills of West Virginia, would strum her guitar on the porch while I explored creeks and biked along deserted railroad tracks. She was unconcerned with my academic performance, allowing me to learn and grow at my own pace.
In stark contrast, I envision myself as the mom armed with flashcards, setting timers for violin practice, and engaging in negotiations with school administrators for the right fourth-grade teacher. There’s immense pressure on parents, particularly mothers, to adopt a relaxed approach—to let children roam freely, to allow them independence in parks, and to refrain from assisting with homework.
The condescending tone of many parenting articles irritates me. They tend to label mothers as “controlling” (a term heavily laden with gender bias), disregarding the reality that wanting to maintain some control is a rational response to the unpredictable and challenging economic landscape we currently face.
Recent research from economists at Northwestern University and the University of Zurich sheds light on why helicopter parenting has become prevalent. They argue that rising income inequality over the past four decades, compounded by the increasing value of education, has made this parenting style a logical choice. As they noted, “Children who fail to complete their education can no longer look forward to a secure, middle-class life, and consequently parents have redoubled their efforts to ensure their children’s success.”
While at a local playground, I encountered a mother who had spent a year in Sweden. Curious about her experience, I asked if it was true that there were free drop-in daycare facilities where parents could leave their children for a couple of hours. She confirmed that while nearly free, parents contribute a small portion of their income, and health centers are readily available for vaccinations and medical needs—no risk of financial ruin if a child requires a doctor’s visit. College education is also free there.
What struck her most was the calm demeanor of Swedish mothers. “There’s none of the stress, the frantic pace, or anxiety that defines American parenting,” she remarked.
As for my own anxiety, it’s not rooted in a desire to exert control but rather in the reality that there’s little room for my children to fail. In the past, children could afford to be less focused on grades without dire economic repercussions. Today, however, if they don’t secure a place in a reputable college—or worse, begin college without finishing—they could end up buried in debt with limited job prospects.
For those of us who began parenthood during the recession, the uncertainty of the working and middle classes is a constant concern. Many people I know have struggled to regain stability after job losses, had their savings wiped out, or lost their homes. As a mother, my primary objective is to help my kids carve out a secure future, which increasingly demands a college education, and likely a graduate degree. This necessitates hard work beginning in elementary school.
While they are still young, I intend to fully embrace the helicopter parenting role—advocating for the best schools, closely monitoring homework, considering tutors, and ensuring they are engaged in extracurricular activities that could benefit their future.
It’s common for people to label women as uptight and controlling, even when their actions are reasonable responses to real, pressing challenges. It’s essential to acknowledge the existence of structural economic inequalities and to understand that parents who are deeply involved in their children’s education are merely responding sensibly to these circumstances. Drs. Doepke and Zilibotti warn that if the trend toward increasing inequality continues, we may see a persistent shift toward more aggressive parenting styles.
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Summary:
Helicopter parenting arises from the need to navigate a challenging economic landscape, where educational success is crucial for a secure future. While some may view this approach as overly controlling, it reflects a rational response to the pressures of contemporary life. As economic inequalities persist, we may see an ongoing trend toward more involved parenting strategies.