A Note to All the Adequate Parents

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Hey there, fellow parents. It’s time for a candid conversation. We’ve crossed paths many times – at playgrounds, grocery stores, and outside gymnastics classes, all while racing to catch the train home. We exchange polite greetings, asking, “How are you?” and responding with a quick “fine.” Yet, deep down, we know “fine” is far from the truth.

What we truly mean to express is a mix of exhaustion, anxiety, and frustration. We’re tired of the frantic search for the perfect treats for school parties and the late nights spent crafting flawless birthday invitations while juggling work emails and lunch prep. We feel frumpy and unkempt, lacking the time for a simple shower, let alone a fresh haircut. Guilt weighs heavily as we push our carts filled with sugary cereals and frozen meals instead of organic fruits and whole grains. Each night, we collapse into bed with a mental list of uncompleted tasks, only to wake up to the demands of little ones and a barrage of emails piling onto our already overwhelming to-do lists.

We see other parents gliding effortlessly through their days and wonder, “How do they manage?” Unfortunately, that thought is often accompanied by a harsh internal dialogue stating, “You’re not enough” and “You’re failing at this parenting gig.” What we crave is a gentle reassurance that we’re doing well – that we’re doing a damn good job.

But instead, we keep up the charade, offering smiles and nods while declaring ourselves “fine.” It’s time to change that narrative. Let’s ditch the pretense and stop defaulting to “I’m fine” whenever someone checks in. We need to embrace vulnerability, request help, and show ourselves some kindness. It’s okay to stumble sometimes. Let’s abandon the competitive parenting culture and the myth of “having it all” (spoiler: no one does).

Some might argue that our kids deserve more than “just good enough.” However, being a good enough parent doesn’t equate to loving our kids any less. It means reducing pressure, lowering the bar for perfection, and being real. Good enough parenting is about letting go of the constant comparison and acknowledging our authentic feelings rather than masking them with a smile.

Let’s face it: some days getting everyone out the door in matching socks is a victory. We don’t need the added stress of crafting elaborate lunches or ensuring the kids wear pristine clothes. At least they’re clothed, right? If dinner has been pizza and baby carrots three nights in a row, that’s perfectly fine! If your date night involves comfy yoga pants and binge-watching TV after the kids are in bed, that’s also good enough!

Parenting is undeniably challenging, and pretending it’s easy is exhausting. Instead of succumbing to judgment, let’s assume the best in each other. We’re all striving to raise kind-hearted individuals and are doing our best to balance multiple roles – partner, friend, employee, and more. It’s inevitable that we feel like we’re falling short in some area. As a wise friend once told me, “Every day, I fail at something; it’s just a matter of what.”

We learn as we go, but the path to improvement can be steep and often feels like two steps forward, one step back. While seeking improvement is admirable, chasing perfection is a losing battle. Why add to our burdens simply because our kids aren’t eating exclusively organic meals or we didn’t craft DIY costumes?

I’ve chosen to let go of the pursuit of perfection and strive for being good enough. And you know what? The moment I shifted my focus, I began to hear the words I had longed to hear: “You’re doing a good job, a damn good job.” And so are you!

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In summary, let’s embrace the idea of being good enough parents. Let’s support one another through the ups and downs and remember that we are all doing our best.