I had my heart set on a natural childbirth. We enrolled in hypnobirthing courses, consulted midwives, and binge-watched all the documentaries. No early cord cutting for me! No pitocin! Absolutely no epidural or painkillers! I was determined — I could do this!
Then came the unexpected twist: my son had a bowel movement in the womb, he went into distress, and his heart rate plummeted — drastically. This led to an emergency C-section. While I know that many women undergo C-sections, and some even choose them, I was unprepared for how deeply it would affect me. I wasn’t ready for the recovery from major surgery, nor was I equipped to handle anything less than the ideal birth I had envisioned. I was blindsided by my feelings after my first child was born.
A few days post-birth, the flood of congratulations began. Friends without children offered polite remarks: “Congratulations!” “Great job, Mom!” “Way to go!” But those with kids had a different take:
- “Did you ever think you could love something so much?”
- “You’ll find that this love will just keep growing!”
- “Welcome to the most amazing adventure of your life!”
I was left wondering: Why didn’t I feel that way? Was something wrong with me? After years of struggling to conceive, was I truly not maternal? When I gazed into my son’s eyes, all I saw was a tiny being who seemed indifferent to me, someone I couldn’t please, and who I now had to ensure was happy for a long time. And to top it all off, he was ruining my breasts. What was happening? I found myself crying – a lot. This was not the experience I had anticipated. I had always wanted to be a mother, so why didn’t I feel joy?
Weeks passed, and eventually, the fog began to lift. I stopped crying every day and slowly emerged from the depression. As I shared my feelings with other mothers, many revealed they had experienced similar emotions after their own births. My immediate thought was, “Why didn’t anyone prepare me for this?” It was eye-opening to learn that not every woman feels pure bliss after giving birth. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, and that realization was liberating.
Society often portrays two narratives for new mothers: one where she’s a glowing maternal goddess who can effortlessly master everything from swaddling to baby yoga, and the other where she’s a danger to herself and her baby. However, there’s a vast spectrum of experiences in between. Expecting mothers deserve to hear about the complexities of this journey! I understand the hesitation — pregnant women are already sensitive and fearful — but new moms are still in that emotional state, and now they have a tiny human relying on them for everything. We owe it to each other to be honest about the realities of motherhood.
Here’s a few candid tips for new moms:
- Enjoy the movies now; you might not get to a theater again for a while.
- Go out to dinner with your partner.
- Sleep as much as you can, like 18 hours a day if possible.
- Use lotion on your nipples early on – trust me, you’ll need it after days of breastfeeding.
- Pamper yourself with a pedicure or manicure and consider scheduling a haircut.
- Have sex when you can; it may be a long time before you get the chance again.
- If you have a pre-pregnancy photo of your belly, cherish it; you may find yourself with a little extra skin that’s hard to adjust to.
- Watch a lot of TV and let a few curse words slip; you won’t have the luxury of doing either once the baby arrives.
Maybe that’s not the perfect approach either, but we can certainly be more upfront about the challenges of being a new mom. It can be terrifying, isolating, and yet immensely rewarding. It’s a confusing time, but it’s also priceless.
To any new mothers reading this, be kind to yourself. You created a human being! That’s no small feat. Way to go! Did you ever think you could love something so deeply? This love will only grow more profound. Welcome to one of the most incredible journeys of your life.
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Summary: The journey of motherhood can be overwhelming and is often not as blissful as portrayed. Many new mothers experience a mix of emotions, including confusion and sadness, after childbirth. It’s crucial for expecting mothers to receive honest insights about the complexities of postpartum life. Embracing the reality of motherhood can lead to a more supportive community for new moms.