You were well aware that becoming a parent would mean sacrificing sleep. Everyone and their brother made sure to remind you of this fact as soon as you shared the news of your pregnancy. What you might not have anticipated is just how profound the effects of sleep deprivation could be. If you’re questioning whether you’ve reached the lowest point, check off any of the following signs that indicate you’re experiencing parental sleep deprivation:
- You nearly used a tube of ointment meant for skin issues instead of toothpaste. If you actually did, my sincerest apologies—who can keep track at this point?
- Your children requested candy for breakfast, and you simply couldn’t muster the energy to object. REESE’S FOR EVERYONE! It’s got protein, right?
- You placed the milk back in the pantry and the cereal in the fridge. Just pretend it’s a new trend—cottage milk is the next big thing!
- You dozed off while standing in the shower. You may or may not have tasted the shampoo, but who can remember?
- You accidentally wore your underwear over your pants. Don’t worry; you’re simply setting a new fashion trend.
- You frantically prepared the kids for school, sped off in the car, only to remember it was Saturday. Good job, super parent!
- You attempted to pay for groceries with your ID. Hey, I think I heard you can charge expenses to the state. Why not?
- You tried to bottle-feed your baby through the ear. Relax; it’s all part of the parenting learning curve.
- You swapped out coffee creamer for breast milk. Look on the bright side—you might be boosting your immunity!
- You found yourself rocking a bag of flour to sleep in the baking aisle. Pro Tip: Add a baby hat, and no one will suspect a thing.
- You only shaved one leg before putting on that skirt for work. Embrace the new style you’ll call Hirsutian Chic!
- You asked your partner if he needed help in the bathroom. No one is ever too old for a little assistance!
- You searched everywhere for your glasses only to realize they were perched on your nose. At least you discovered that ant colony in your kid’s Halloween stash!
- You mistakenly added salt instead of sugar to the cookie dough for the school bake sale. You’re just helping to combat childhood obesity, right?
- You put the car in drive instead of reverse while backing out. Wasn’t there talk about a new garage door anyway?
- You accidentally took a muscle relaxer instead of your birth control pill. Well, being immobile is another form of contraception!
- You blanked on your own name when introducing yourself. Role play can happen anywhere, right?
- You loaded up the car with all the baby essentials and drove off only to realize you forgot the most important item: YOUR ACTUAL BABY. No worries, she won’t remember it!
- You finally got a girls’ night out, looked fabulous, and later discovered you were wearing mismatched shoes. Just convince your friends to swap—real friends will comply.
- You haven’t exercised since leg warmers were in style. How could you? Just thinking about physical activity is exhausting!
How did you fare?
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In summary, sleep deprivation is an all-too-common experience for parents, leading to a series of amusing and bewildering moments. If you recognize any of these signs, you’re not alone on this sleepless journey.