Updated: June 24, 2020
Originally Published: August 22, 2014
It’s no secret that I was reluctant to dive into potty training my daughter. While my mother-in-law eagerly anticipated the milestone and every parenting blog I followed showcased toddlers confidently wearing underwear, I opted for a much more relaxed approach—okay, let’s be honest, a lazy one. I would casually ask her from time to time, “Do you want to stop having daily accidents and start using the potty?” After a long pause, her answer was always a firm, “No thank you, Mama.” And so, we continued on our way.
Eventually, I gave in to the notion of rewards, leading to two bags of Skittles making their way into my grocery cart each week. The reward system was simple: one for sitting, two for peeing, and a generous handful for a successful poop. She was motivated, filling her tiny Princess Potty like a champ before starting kindergarten. I figured I was doing alright as a mom.
But here’s a truth that no one warns you about: a three-year-old simply cannot wipe herself effectively. Honestly, I’m nearly 37, and there are times—especially in WalMart—when I get that familiar tickle, signaling I missed a spot. Asking a little girl fresh out of diapers to master the coordination required to clean herself is like expecting her to thread a needle while I shout about reality.
It just wasn’t happening. To my surprise, she wasn’t even crazy about toilet paper, despite every viral video suggesting that kids love to play with the fluffy roll that unravels into a delightful mess. When I asked her to grab some toilet paper for pre-wipe preparation, she carefully tore off a quarter of a square, shaped it into a tiny ball, and proceeded to wipe. This led to the unfortunate scenario of losing it in the abyss and using her entire hand to make contact with the problem. Gag-worthy? Absolutely. But I couldn’t help but laugh. Who has the solution to this conundrum?
I found myself reminiscing about the simpler days of wrapping up a tiny bottom in a diaper, ready to be tossed into the diaper genie. Now my new reality consisted of:
- Keeping her company while she swung her legs, asked about my day, and made a face reminiscent of a cute little grimace as her body prepared for an impending poop.
- Hovering over her while she sat on the open toilet, assisting with the cleanup.
- Flushing the toilet and discovering her poop was suddenly the size of a small boulder, thanks to her questionable diet (which I also had a hand in, darn it).
- Helping her reach the faucet and water after she pinched her skin twice last week, resulting in small bruises.
- Giving her “privacy” while still checking in to make sure she wasn’t getting into my things.
- Returning to adjust the water temperature after she had been “washing her hands” for six minutes, only to find her grinning at me from the mirror as water cascaded off the counter.
So next week, I’m taking a bold step: she’s going back into diapers. This is part of my innovative parenting strategy I’m calling Reverse Tiger Helicopter. When I write my book about it, titled Wipe Out!, I fully expect to become so successful that by the time she starts school, she can hire her own personal butt wiper.
It’s a lofty dream, but every great reality begins with a vision.
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Summary:
Potty training can be a daunting task for parents, especially when it involves the challenging aspect of teaching a child to wipe themselves properly. The author recounts her laid-back approach to potty training her daughter, which eventually leads to the realization that young children often struggle with proper hygiene practices. As she navigates the trials of toddler toilet training, she humorously reflects on the chaos and the eventual decision to revert to diapers, all while dreaming of a future where her daughter can manage her own hygiene.