Before becoming a parent, the concept of sleep training seemed unfathomable to me. The saying “sleeping like a baby” has to come from somewhere, right? So why would infants require sleep training? It’s starting to feel like this phrase was perhaps a sarcastic remark from a sleep-deprived couple centuries ago, and it’s been misleading parents ever since.
Since welcoming my daughter, Lily, from the hospital, I’ve come to understand that newborns do not sleep serenely. Instead, they grunt, squeal, squirm, kick, cry, eat, and poop their way through 16-18 hours of sleep daily. Initially, I worried that something was wrong with her and sought advice from our pediatrician, only to be reassured that she was perfectly healthy. There was no miracle solution for my noisy little one – she was doing exactly what newborns do.
As I packed up our things, feeling overwhelmed, a nurse entered the room. After giving me a sympathetic glance and a supportive pat, she shared that all four of her daughters were noisy sleepers as well. I realized then that I had been tricked; my sweet baby was actually a charming little sleep disruptor, and judging by the nurse’s weary expression, this was not going to improve anytime soon.
Upon returning home, I sifted through my hospital materials and “what to expect” books, hoping for a guide on newborn sleep. Surely there was some advice on how to manage this little being! It dawned on me that if the truth about newborn sleep were widely known, fewer people might choose to have children.
So what are the realities of newborn sleep?
- Noisy Sleepers: Newborns are louder than your grandpa snoring after a few drinks. They grunt, squeal, and wriggle – even while tightly swaddled. You’ll find yourself checking on them multiple times an hour, only to risk waking them up in the process.
- Wide-Eyed Stares: Infants often sleep with their eyes partially open, staring at you like little, adorable stalkers. You might eventually get used to this, but it never stops being slightly unnerving.
- The Unicorns: If you’re one of the lucky few whose baby sleeps for eight or more hours from the start, please refrain from sharing this with the rest of us. It’s not that we’re not happy for you; we’re just… envious.
- Swaddling Woes: Please don’t ask me, “Have you tried swaddling?” Yes, I’ve attempted every swaddle known to man, including the ones that promise miracle results. My clever child always finds a way to escape, turning swaddling into a game of “Keep Mommy Awake.”
- Desperate Measures: I’ve tried every sleep aid imaginable: white noise machines, various pacifiers, even the absurd thought of creating a silicone mold of my breast to see if that would help. While some methods provide fleeting relief, consistent sleep remains elusive.
- The Colic Diagnosis: Colic is a term that simply means “your baby cries a lot, doesn’t sleep much, and your doctor has no other solutions.” Unfortunately, there’s no remedy other than time.
- Noisy Environments: Don’t let white noise lull you into a false sense of security. The sound of a soda can opening at 3 a.m. will resonate like a bomb. If your newborn is nearby, you may as well stay put and let your bladder burst.
- Accept Help: When family offers to babysit overnight, don’t hesitate to accept. Dive under the covers and enjoy some much-needed sleep. Leave your devices behind; everything can wait until you’ve recharged.
- Sleep When You Can: The advice to sleep when your baby sleeps is easier said than done, especially if your little one only dozes off in the car. Showering and eating might need to take priority.
- Find What Works: If you discover a method that helps, cling to it until it stops being effective. I recently spoke with my sister, who reminded me that as kids grow, you can at least threaten consequences if they refuse to stay in bed.
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Summary
Newborn sleep is often noisy and unpredictable, filled with grunts and squeals rather than peaceful slumber. Parents should expect the unexpected, from wide-eyed stares to the challenges of swaddling. Accepting help, finding what works, and knowing that colic is just part of the journey can make this exhausting phase a bit more manageable.