Recently, I found myself lecturing my son about the overwhelming amount of clutter in his room. Determined to wage a battle against disorder, I grabbed a garbage bag and set my sights on my own closet. To my shock, I uncovered a treasure trove of outdated fashion choices: leopard-print halter tops, faux leather trousers, and other regrettable items that haven’t seen the light of day in ages. Here are eight pieces that were once mainstays in my wardrobe but are now destined for the donation pile.
1. Knee-high Heeled Boots
These leather beauties once made me feel like a glamorous version of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I wore them everywhere – to work, happy hours, and those first dates where I aimed to impress without showing too much skin. While some of my friends still don these stylish boots at school drop-off looking like they’ve stepped off a runway, my reality has changed. After having my second child and cramming my now size 8 feet into size 7 shoes, wearing heels feels like a scene from a horror movie. Of all the items I’m parting ways with, I’ll miss my high-heeled boots the most.
2. Thong Underwear
Between my energetic toddler and my eye-rolling kindergartner, I have enough trouble without the discomfort of thong underwear. I’ll stick to my cozy briefs, which provide the added benefit of not requiring a hasty retreat from the store when my child decides to lift my skirt in the checkout line.
3. Miniskirts and Short Shorts
There are women who can pull off these looks effortlessly. They are tall, slim, and have legs that could grace the cover of a magazine. I was never one of them, and certainly not now. Just the thought of the upkeep needed to wear such items makes me want to take a nap.
4. Earrings
I once adored accessorizing with earrings. However, after two children, finding time to put on even the simplest accessories feels like a luxury. My left earlobe has closed up, rendering my collection of beautiful earrings useless. While I ponder getting my ears re-pierced (perhaps as a bonding experience with my daughter when she’s older), I might just opt for clip-ons instead.
5. Strapless Bras
I always disliked these contraptions, even before my body experienced the trifecta of gravity, pregnancy, and nursing. These days, my ladies need all the support they can get, and by evening, my bra feels more like a medieval torture device than anything else. No cute strapless dress will ever persuade me to wear one again.
6. White Pants
In my pre-kids life, I wore white pants fearlessly—even after Labor Day. Now, the thought of wearing white terrifies me. I can’t predict what might end up on them, whether it’s a spill from an art project or a surprise from my potty-training toddler. Given the chaos of parenthood, I think I’ll hold off on white until the kids at least reach college age.
7. T-Shirts with Beer Logos
My six-year-old has taken to reading everything around her. The last thing I need is for her to stumble upon the word “Heineken” on my shirt. Not to mention explaining the questionable graphics on my old Señor Frogs shirt from Cancun, 1994. Those party days are over, my friend.
8. Maternity Clothes
I’ll admit, I still have a couple of maternity dresses that I try to pass off as casual wear. However, most of my maternity wardrobe is simply taking up space, taunting me to confront the reality that I’m done having children. While the idea of discarding these items is daunting, it’s time to reclaim my closet.
Much has changed over the years, and thankfully, so has my wardrobe. It’s time for my closet to reflect the mature, semi-showered woman I’ve become, while I can still keep a few surprises, like those faux leather pants, just in case I need to impress my partner or fend off an assassin.
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In summary, it’s time to let go of these outdated wardrobe pieces and embrace the new chapter of life that comes with motherhood.