One day, my 13-year-old daughter, Lily, proposed a fascinating idea: “If you give me $100, I’ll handle all my expenses for the entire school year.” She had been inspired by a cousin known for their savvy spending habits.
“What does ‘all expenses’ entail?” I inquired.
My husband chimed in, “Have her draft a proposal.”
Lily quickly grabbed a pen, her imagination already envisioning the possibilities this $100 could bring.
Initially, I hesitated, reluctant to part with a single lump sum of cash. However, it became clear almost instantly that her plan might actually benefit me economically. At 13, Lily was yearning for independence; she didn’t want help with tying her shoes, brushing her hair, or cleaning her room. She was eager to make her own decisions about bedtime, outfit choices, and lunch items – and heaven help me if I suggested a haircut.
This was the beginning of her transition toward high school, college, and eventually, adulthood. I hoped this $100 allowance would serve as a stepping stone toward her independence.
Lily’s written proposal was extensive: it covered clothing, footwear, entertainment, food, sports events, and even gifts for her friends’ birthdays. I was skeptical about whether $100 could realistically cover all these costs. Yet, she was adamant and handed me the pen. I signed the agreement.
September Expenses:
- $20 on school supplies, including a few vibrant multi-colored pens
- A $5 shirt from a popular retail store
- Two lip glosses costing $7
- A pair of stylish wedge shoes from Old Navy for $30
I’d like to claim I kept my opinions to myself regarding the wedge shoes, but when I gasped at the $30 price tag, she rolled her eyes, reminding me that this was her money. I quickly apologized and vowed to remain silent. However, just thirty minutes later, as she weighed her options between her new shoes and dwindling cash, buyer’s remorse set in, leading her to return them.
I kept reminding myself: stay quiet. This was her opportunity to learn.
September felt like a honeymoon phase, with Lily feeling wealthy and free to spend her newfound cash. She indulged in candy bars, snagged a pair of discounted jeans, and even offered her siblings rewards for fetching items from upstairs.
However, by October, the tide turned.
October 1:
She purchased a trendy, soft, blue coat for $40.
October 2:
Broke.
October 5:
“I think we need to reassess my budget,” she said, concern etched on her face. I smiled knowingly; the contract was signed, and there was no room for negotiation. This realization spurred her into action.
Whenever I dropped off her younger siblings, she would call out, “Can you ask if I can babysit?”
After doing chores around the house, she would inquire, “Can I earn some money for that?”
She even created flyers to advertise her babysitting services. With Christmas approaching, a dance on the horizon, and new shoes needed for spring track, she began to budget carefully.
Lily started picking up loose change and practiced piano more diligently, knowing she’d earn money from Grandma for each book she completed. She also accepted less-than-ideal babysitting jobs, focusing on the bigger picture.
This experience was a lesson for me, too. I’ve always enjoyed shopping for my children, but once the allowance was disbursed, I had to resist the urge to swoop in and buy items for her. I did make an exception for a Chapstick one day, and she squealed, “Thank you, Mom!” wrapping her arms around me.
Over the month, I witnessed a remarkable transformation in Lily’s relationship with money. She didn’t pester me for clothing; she was taking charge of her spending because she wanted to. Surprisingly, her gratitude for the occasional items I bought for her deepened.
An unexpected outcome? Her three younger siblings now want their own $100 allowances. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I smiled, realizing that this could lead to more spending money for me.
Recommended Steps:
- Clearly define expectations: Who is responsible for which expenses? It’s often effective for kids to use their own money for all non-essentials.
- Help them create a list of wants versus needs, discussing what belongs in each category.
- Assist in drafting a personal budget and document it in writing.
- Sign the agreement together.
- Maintain a simple ledger or spreadsheet to track money earned and spent.
- Avoid bailing them out or purchasing items for them!
Lily hasn’t yet taken me up on my offer to pay for chores like weeding the garden or cleaning the chicken coop, but I’m holding my tongue. I trust that when she finds herself in real need for cash, she’ll come to me for work.
My mother used to say that chores were meant to build self-esteem—a connection I couldn’t grasp at 14. Now, I understand. There’s a sense of empowerment that shines on Lily’s face when she earns something she truly desires. It’s a feeling akin to happiness.
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In summary, Lily’s $100 allowance was not just a financial lesson; it was a pathway to independence, responsibility, and unexpected growth for both of us.