When I was young, summer meant one simple directive from my parents: “Go outside and play.” However, fast forward to today, and I find myself overwhelmed by the sheer chaos generated by my kids when left to their own devices. Rather than risking my sanity, I invest weeks in planning elaborate schedules and spend a small fortune—yes, thousands—so my children can be engaged, entertained, and, most importantly, out of my hair during the sweltering summer months.
The options for summer activities are endless: sculpting, swimming, surfing, sailing, science experiments, art projects, gardening, gift-making, gymnastics, and even Irish dancing. As much as I want my kids to be well-rounded, I can’t help but wonder where the programs are that would actually benefit me. Sure, a macaroni necklace is nice, but what about my needs?
Thus, I present to you my concept of Fantasy Camp, and I’m offering the idea for free to the first visionary ready to bring it to life—just reserve two spots for me!
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Absolutely, Mom: This week-long camp is designed to teach kids that the phrase “Yes, Mom” is the only response you want to hear when asking them to do something. Campers will incur fines for using phrases like “in a minute” or “but I did that yesterday.” The popularity of Absolutely, Mom means you should sign up quickly!
CAMP NOTES: Nutritious snacks will be provided. Any complaints will result in a mandatory visit to our sister camp, “Stop Whining and Eat.” -
Just Eat It: This intensive week will instill in your child a newfound respect for the effort behind every meal. They will learn about grocery shopping, meal prep, and the beauty of a well-balanced plate. The camp motto? “It’s hot, it’s here, someone else made it, and others think it’s good—so Just Eat It.”
CAMP NOTES: Prior attendance at “Stop Rolling Your Eyes at Me” is recommended. -
Stop Rolling Your Eyes at Me: This interactive camp focuses on the power of nonverbal communication. The extended-day option will delve into essential skills like hands-on-hips, muttering, door-slamming, exaggerated sighs, and stomping upstairs.
CAMP NOTES: We reserve the right to transfer any child not making progress to Absolutely, Mom. -
Bathroom Etiquette 101: Covering essential skills like changing toilet paper rolls, cleaning toothpaste from sinks, and flushing toilets, this two-week camp is essential for proper household functioning.
CAMP NOTES: A 10% discount is available for campers enrolled in both Absolutely, Mom and Stop Rolling Your Eyes at Me. -
Pick It Up, Don’t Step Over It: In this enlightening camp, children will learn that their belongings do not magically tidy themselves. They’ll explore real-life scenarios from dirty laundry to stray remotes.
CAMP NOTES: Kids may despise this camp, making it a perfect disciplinary tool for when they refuse to say “Absolutely, Mom.” -
Be Kind to Your Sibling: Essentially a week of bribery and gentle threats, this camp is perfect for those looking for a bit of free babysitting.
CAMP NOTES: Good luck with that.
NEW CAMPS ARE ADDED WEEKLY, AND WE WELCOME CUSTOM REQUESTS! LET US CREATE A CAMP TAILORED JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!
NOTE: Due to popular demand, husbands can now enroll in all available camps!
In summary, these imaginative summer camps not only aim to provide enrichment for children but also offer a much-needed respite for parents. By considering options like Absolutely, Mom or Just Eat It, you can transform your summer into a more harmonious experience.